Tina S. Fey might not be the most beautiful actress in Hollywood (though Tina Fey’s wikipedia page tells me she did make People’s 100 Most Beautiful People list four years in a row). Or the richest. But when the Mean Girls who live in my head start sniping at me, their tirade goes something like, “You think you’re funny? You’re not funny. Tina Fey is funny. You’re just…mediocre. “
“You’ve never written for SNL, like Tina S. Fey has. Or been on stage at Second City, like Tina Fey was. Or written a movie, never mind starred in one as funny as Date Night, like Tina S. Fey did. You’re just a small town copywriter who dreams of writing something as funny as Tina Fey’s Sarah Palin skits.”
Yeah, those Mean Girls, they’re not very nice.
But we’re not so different, me and Tina S. Fey. We both suffered childhood trauma (though mine didn’t leave me anything like Tina Fey’s scar).
We both have super cute daughters.
We both trained at the Second City. Sure, I was in Detroit, not Chicago. And took writing classes, not improv. But I can still write some damn funny sketches. In fact, if those Saturday Night Live talent scouts had been in my comedy writing classes (when I had everyone in stitches), it might have been me, not Tina Fey, who got offered a job writing for Saturday Night Live.
Then it could be me, not Tina Fey, who has a hit TV show (30 Rock) And a fabulously neurotic alter ego (Liz Lemon).
It could be me, not Tina Fey, with a spread in Esquire Magazine.
It could be me starring in an American Express commercial with Martin Scorsese—not Tina Fey.
But alas, I was seven years and 300 or so miles too late to get noticed by those Saturday Night Live scouts.
That’s just as well, though. Tina Fey looks way better in glasses than I ever did. Plus, Tina Fey’s way skinnier than I’ll ever be. And just the thought of being on stage doing Weekend Update is enough to make me break out into a cold sweat.
I’m much better off behind my keyboard and away from the cameras. But if I ever write a best selling novel that gets turned into an Oscar-winning screenplay? And Hollywood comes calling, wanting to do a Lifetime Movie of the Week about my life? I want Tina Fey to play me. It’s only fair, considering how many years I’ve spent wishing I could be her.
I think she’d look good as a redhead, don’t you?
This post is my contribution to Aunt Becky’s quest to prank the Internet. Her pranksters are all trying to pull a John C. Mayer on the Internet. So, dear readers, if you love me at all, will you stumble, digg and tweet the hell out of this thing? It would do my heart good to find myself on the first page of Tina Fey’s google results.
Update: I’m number one on her google page:
I’m also linking up with Mama Kat and the SITS Girls, so go give them some sugar, will you?