My cat, Oliver, routinely engages in some pretty bizarre behavior. Behavior that leaves me scratching my head and wondering what on earth could possibly be going on inside his little kitty brain. So today, I sat down to ask him.
ME: Oliver, why on earth did you just pee in the bathroom sink? Your litter box is clean…which is more than I can say for the sink.
OLIVER: Have you ever tried peeing in a dark box, inside an even darker closet? You can’t see what you’re doing, man!
ME: So, if I put a light in there, you’d use it more consistently?
OLIVER: Not really. I like watching it go down the drain.
ME: But you’re a cat! You’re supposed to like to bury your business!
OLIVER: Not me. I don’t like how the sand feels when it gets stuck under my claws.
ME: Is that why Kiwi always has to cover up your poo for you?
OLIVER: That, and I like to make him do things for me. He’s my bitch, you know.
ME: You shouldn’t talk that way about your brother. He loves you.
OLIVER: Yeah, that’s cuz I’m so dang cute. When you look like I do, you can get away with anything.
ME: I wouldn’t say that. If you keep scratching the molding, your dad is going to make you live in the garage.
OLIVER: He wouldn’t dare.
ME: I don’t know…when you peed in the crib, it was all I could do to keep him from throwing you out of the house.
OLIVER: I was just making it smell nice for her!
ME: Do you really expect me to believe that?
OLIVER: Okay, so I was mad. You bring home this stinking, screaming thing that totally monopolizes your lap 24/7 and you want me to be happy about it?
ME: Life is hard. Get used to it.
OLIVER: But I’M supposed to be the baby of this family.
ME: We all have to grow up sometime.
ME: Oh, don’t look at me like that. You’re still one of the most spoiled animals on the face of the planet and you know it.
OLIVER: But do you still love me?
ME: Of course I do, you silly cat. You’ll always be my favorite little fuzzy guy.
OLIVER: Then can I have a treat?
ME: You’ve already had five!
OLIVER: You’d give me more if you really loved me.
ME: Fine. But no more peeing in the sink, okay?
OLIVER: Okay. No more peeing in the sink. Today.
ME: I guess that’s all I can ask.
This post was inspired by a prompt from Mama Kat’s Writing Workshop. Head on over there and see what other people did with this week’s assignment…or play along yourself!