Oh, Google Analytics. You’re both the bane of my existence and a reliable source of validation. You tell me who’s coming to see me, where they’re going, and how they’re getting there.
The phrases people use to find me are downright hilarious.
So here, for your Friday night amusement, are the ten strangest, silliest, and downright laughable phrases people have googled…and somehow landed on my blog.
Along with the answers they probably didn’t find when they got here.
1. I hate tornadoes. Me too, but if you’re looking for a way to avoid them, you won’t find them here. I don’t even have a basement. However, I would suggest moving somewhere they have hurricanes. Awful, yes. But at least you have warning.
2. What would the world be like without books? Terrible, awful, and not worth living in. Says the writer/bookworm who can’t even imagine such a thing. For more details, watch Idiocracy.
3. Things to get for my birthday. Well, I don’t know what you want, but I’d really like a robot to clean my house (not just my carpet). And a Caribbean island. And lots of sparkly things. Does that sound good?
4. Does the grass come in different shades of green? Well, yes. But the lawn on the other side of the fence will always look greener (unless it’s covered with dandelions).
5. Do working moms buy juice boxes? I can’t speak for the entire species, but I certainly do. See also: rice crispy treats, Easy Mac, and hot dogs.
6. Selena Gomez armpits. As far as I know, I’ve never seen her armpits. But I’m sure they’re lovely.
7. Why does Dora yell? I’m not sure, but I think she has a hearing problem. Either that or her mom’s always so busy with the twins that she has to yell to be heard. Either way, I wish she wouldn’t do it in my living room.
8. Can baby fever get you pregnant? Well…no. Not exactly. However, baby fever coupled with an amorous (condom-less) lover within 24 hours of ovulation…that’s a sure fire way to get knocked up. Ask your mom for more details.
9. My boobs get me mooing. Huh. Well, that sounds like a personal problem. An understandable one, if you’re lactating. If not? Well, I hope your significant other is into mock-bestiality.
10. Big ass bunny on Google maps. This one made me giggle for about 15 minutes straight. But after I stopped giggling, I asked Google. And you know what? There is a big ass bunny on Google maps, in Prato Nevoso, Italy. A pink one, at that. And now you know.
What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever googled?