The Top Ten Weirdest Ways People Are Finding My Blog.

Oh, Google Analytics. You’re both the bane of my existence and a reliable source of validation. You tell me who’s coming to see me, where they’re going, and how they’re getting there.

And sometimes?

The phrases people use to find me are downright hilarious.

So here, for your Friday night amusement, are the ten strangest, silliest, and downright laughable phrases people have googled…and somehow landed on my blog.

Along with the answers they probably didn’t find when they got here.

1. I hate tornadoes. Me too, but if you’re looking for a way to avoid them, you won’t find them here. I don’t even have a basement. However, I would suggest moving somewhere they have hurricanes. Awful, yes. But at least you have warning.

2. What would the world be like without books?  Terrible, awful, and not worth living in. Says the writer/bookworm who can’t even imagine such a thing. For more details, watch Idiocracy.

3. Things to get for my birthday.  Well, I don’t know what you want, but I’d really like a robot to clean my house (not just my carpet). And a Caribbean island. And lots of sparkly things. Does that sound good?

4. Does the grass come in different shades of green?  Well, yes. But the lawn on the other side of the fence will always look greener (unless it’s covered with dandelions).

5. Do working moms buy juice boxes?  I can’t speak for the entire species, but I certainly do. See also: rice crispy treats, Easy Mac, and hot dogs.

6. Selena Gomez armpits.  As far as I know, I’ve never seen her armpits. But I’m sure they’re lovely.

7. Why does Dora yell? I’m not sure, but I think she has a hearing problem. Either that or her mom’s always so busy with the twins that she has to yell to be heard. Either way, I wish she wouldn’t do it in my living room.

8. Can baby fever get you pregnant?  Well…no. Not exactly. However, baby fever coupled with an amorous (condom-less) lover within 24 hours of ovulation…that’s a sure fire way to get knocked up. Ask your mom for more details.

9.  My boobs get me mooing. Huh. Well, that sounds like a personal problem. An understandable one, if  you’re lactating. If not? Well, I hope your significant other is into mock-bestiality.

10. Big ass bunny on Google maps. This one made me giggle for about 15 minutes straight. But after I stopped giggling, I asked Google. And you know what? There is a big ass bunny on Google maps, in Prato Nevoso, Italy. A pink one, at that. And now you know.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever googled?

 

 

 

4 Comments on The Top Ten Weirdest Ways People Are Finding My Blog.

  1. Michelle
    May 31, 2013 at 11:25 pm (3 years ago)

    I was thinking of writing something like this about my blog too when I saw something completely bizarre pop up the other day. I may still do it at some point. But this is hysterical! Selena Gomez armpits? Big ass bunny on Google maps? Too funny!! At least you had a good laugh!

    Reply
  2. Lady Jennie
    June 4, 2013 at 12:18 pm (3 years ago)

    Oh course I had to click on that link. :-) This was a funny list. People just don’t come to my site searching for weird things. I get all the standard, like what does “dis donc” mean (I wrote a blog post about that). Nothing weird. =)

    Reply
    • Amber
      June 11, 2013 at 10:36 am (3 years ago)

      The funniest part is what posts they get when they get here from those searches. The pink bunny one was one I wrote about the Easter Bunny!

      Reply
  3. Christie Jansen
    August 14, 2013 at 8:25 pm (2 years ago)

    All the things included here are hilarious! These things are actual comments being made by people. In case there are people looking for other people. There are different ways that can help them.

    Reply

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