The minute you give birth to a baby, you get limited access to the exclusive sisterhood that is the Mom Club. And you’ve earned it, to be sure. But to receive your Mom Card, you have to work a little harder. Get a little dirtier. And give up all pretenses of any sort of personal pride.
Here are ten signs your Mom Card is already in the mail.
1. Your purse is home to at least three of the following: Diapers, used tissues, half-eaten snacks, cartoon-festooned band aids, a set of “emergency toys” or a random children’s clothing item – most likely in a size your child hasn’t worn in months or years.
2. You are familiar with the “Sniff test” and have no problem sticking your nose close to a toddler-sized butt, even in the fanciest restaurants (but, let’s face it, chances are you don’t remember what a fancy restaurant looks like).
3. You don’t even flinch when your child uses your pants or shirt as a tissue. Give yourself bonus points if you don’t even bother to wipe off the residue.
4. You know all the words to theme songs for a variety of shows ranging from Dora the Explorer to Sponge Bob, but have no idea what’s in the Top 20 on the Billboard chart anymore.
5. You have been thrown up upon (real barf, not spit up), but rather than shriek with horror, you set about cleaning your little one up, remembering to wipe the evidence out of your hair only after the barfer is safely in bed.
6. You have ever turned the car around to retrieve a treasured toy. Bonus points if you keep an extra one in the glove box for just that reason.
7. You are able to stare down a 102 degree fever. While new moms call the pediatrician at every little worry, an experienced mom knows that doc will just tell her to chill out. So she does. However, she may or may not have any nails left by morning.
8. You actually consider buying tickets for Disney Live or Yo Gabba Gabba or any other live show for the pint-sized set. Bonus points if you have gone, and gotten through the show (sober).
9. You’ve seen your munchkin through at least one blood-gushing cut, concussive fall or bone-cracking slip and remained calm (a post-event meltdown not withstanding).
10. Your smart phone has more games on it than useful apps. And you have to hide in the bathroom if you want to actually use it.
If you can relate to anything on this list, then you have indeed earned your Mom (or Dad) Card. Congratulations!
Now go get a drink (alcoholic or otherwise). You deserve it.