I’m told stay at home moms dream of pooping in private, without little eyes watching. Me? I dream of pooping in my own bathroom, without having to worry about someone sitting down in the stall next to me who would then know it was me who stunk up the restroom and/or office.
So if I was a stay at home mom? I’d let that door hang open and the air freshener stay under the sink.
Yep, folks, it’s going to be one of those posts. Here’s nine other things I would do if I didn’t have to work:
Buy at least five pairs of really comfortable yoga pants. I hear other moms complain that this is all they wear. But dudes? I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t you want to wear stretchy black pants with no zippers or buttons every day? I mean, you could always dress them up with some red lipstick or something.
Buy a treadmill to hang my laundry on. I fantasize that if I were to be at home all day, I’d have plenty of time to get all buff and Milfy. Ergo, the treadmill. But I’m sure reality would turn out to be somewhat more hectic than my dream life would make it out to be. Ergo, the laundry.
Make all my own clothes. And they would be haute (get it? haute not hot? oh, never mind). In my fantasy life, I am instantly an expert seamstress, capable of churning out swirly dresses and floaty tops with ease. So if I didn’t have to work? I’d be a walking fashion plate. When, you know, I wasn’t wearing my yoga pants.
Buy naming rights to a playground and call it the VIP tot lot. Because, you know, if I didn’t have to work, I would have obviously come into some insane amount of cash money. And Tori looooves playgrounds. So why shouldn’t she have one with her initials on it?
Take up a domestic-y hobby and get so good at it, Martha Stewart would cry. Maybe I’d knit. Or crochet. Or make origami owls. I don’t know what I’d do, but I would rock it. Hard.
Get a novel published every year. Because, you know, I’d have so much time to write. And they would all be best selling novels. And I’d go on lots of fancy book tours, and ride in limos, and, and…What? Yes I know it doesn’t really work that way. Back off! I’m in fantasy land here!
Finally catch up on all my damn laundry. Yes I realize it’s sad that laundry makes it to this list. But really? It’s a dream of mine. To not have a single dirty item on the floor or in a laundry basket. I hate my laundry mountain.
Regularly go to Target in the middle of the day. I love Target. Probably more than I should. And when other women joke that Target is the sum of their social life? I go green with jealousy. I only make it there once every month or so. And it’s always at the end of the day when Tori’s cranky and not in the mood to shop. In other words, It’s been a long time since I’ve had any quality time with Target.
Nap. I would nap. Regularly. I love to nap. I used to indulge in them most every weekend. But now? Every damn minute I’m not doing something puts me farther behind. So I never get to nap. If I no longer worked, I would remedy that situation.
So that’s what I would do with my life if I didn’t have to work. But you know what? If you head over to Mama Kat’s, you’ll probably find way more exciting ideas. Now, tell me Internet. What would you do if you didn’t have to work?