I remember being 18 and away from home for the first time. I thought I knew everything. That I was mature and sophisticated and prepared to take on the world. Now that I’m almost 36? I look at those damn 18-year-olds prancing around town and think to myself, “shouldn’t you still be wearing diapers?”
Okay, it’s not that bad. Yet. But the return of the swarms of college kids that make my town their home have made one thing painfully clear—I’m getting a mite bit Old. Here are eight ways I know I’m right.
- I start sentences with “When I was a kid I…” I walked a half mile to the bus stop. Uphill. In the snow, sleet and rain. The bus certainly didn’t stop at. every. single. street. in the neighborhood. And if I missed the bus? I walked. Uphill. Both ways. In a blizzard…
- I’ve become the outfit police. I look at the sorority chicks in their butt-skimming miniskirts and think not, “damn I wish I had her legs,” but “does you mother know you leave the house looking like that?” It’s sad, really.
- I hear kids talking about their upcoming drunken escapades and roll my eyes. Do I sometimes wish I could follow suit? Sure. Do I miss spending every weekend in search of another drunken high? Not at all. I might as well sign up for my AARP card, huh?
- I hear people moan about getting up before noon and laugh derisively. Not only that, but I think to myself, “but you’re missing so much of the day!” That’s right. I’ve reluctantly become a morning person. And am quite haughty about it, too.
- I see a college student behind the wheel and think, “Oh my God, someone needs to call the police. A toddler is driving!” And that’s all I’m going to say about that.
- I see the fashion from my teenage years making a comeback. But I still don’t understand why we need to do leggings again. Can someone explain it to me?
- The kids starting college this year? Probably weren’t even born when I was heading off to college. Whoa. Just whoa.
- I call college students “kids.” Enough said.
So, yeah. I’m not as young as I used to be. But as long as I have access to hair dye and make-up, I intend to fake it. I live in a college town, after all.
What made you realize you’re getting older?