Hey Kid, Get Off My Lawn (aka Damn I’m Old).

I remember being 18 and away from home for the first time. I thought I knew everything. That I was mature and sophisticated and prepared to take on the world. Now that I’m almost 36? I look at those damn 18-year-olds prancing around town and think to myself, “shouldn’t you still be wearing diapers?”

Okay, it’s not that bad. Yet. But the return of  the swarms of college kids that make my town their home have made one thing painfully clear—I’m getting a mite bit Old. Here are eight ways I know I’m right.

  1. I start sentences with “When I was a kid  I…” I walked a half mile to the bus stop. Uphill. In the snow, sleet and rain. The bus certainly didn’t stop at. every. single. street. in the neighborhood. And if I missed the bus? I walked. Uphill. Both ways. In a blizzard…
  2. I’ve become the outfit police. I look at the sorority chicks in their butt-skimming miniskirts and think not, “damn I wish I had her legs,” but “does you mother know you leave the house looking like that?” It’s sad, really.
  3. I hear kids talking about their upcoming drunken escapades and roll my eyes. Do I sometimes wish I could follow suit? Sure. Do I miss spending every weekend in search of another drunken high? Not at all. I might as well sign up for my AARP card, huh?
  4. I hear people moan about getting up before noon and laugh derisively. Not only that, but I think to myself, “but you’re missing so much of the day!” That’s right. I’ve reluctantly become a morning person. And am quite haughty about it, too.
  5. I see a college student behind the wheel and think, “Oh my God, someone needs to call the police. A toddler is driving!” And that’s all I’m going to say about that.
  6. I see the fashion from my teenage years making a comeback. But I still don’t understand why we need to do leggings again. Can someone explain it to me?
  7. The kids starting college this year? Probably weren’t even born when I was heading off to college. Whoa. Just whoa.
  8. I call college students “kids.” Enough said.

So, yeah. I’m not as young as I used to be. But as long as I have access to hair dye and make-up, I intend to fake it. I live in a college town, after all.

What made you realize you’re getting older?




10 Comments on Hey Kid, Get Off My Lawn (aka Damn I’m Old).

  1. Rebecca
    September 13, 2011 at 9:38 pm (4 years ago)

    With the exception of not living in a college town, I could have written this post myself. Preach it!

    • Amber
      September 14, 2011 at 8:47 am (4 years ago)

      The school bus thing is a pet peeve of mine. Why, oh why can’t they walk an extra 50 feet? I do. not. get. it.

  2. Jen {at} take2mommy
    September 13, 2011 at 10:01 pm (4 years ago)

    I’m so with you on this one. But I’m starting to make myself nauseous these days by starting too many sentences with, “When I was a kid…”
    I say it to my own kids all the time. “When I was a kid, we didn’t have computers!” “When I was a kid, we didn’t have cell phones!” It makes me sound ancient. But I can’t seem to stop it.

    • Amber
      September 14, 2011 at 8:47 am (4 years ago)

      Me neither. But I think I’m going to call it “life experience” not old age.

  3. one cluttered brain
    September 14, 2011 at 8:58 am (4 years ago)

    Oh my lord. So true. I live in a college town as well. Ugh. I am glad I am 35, I know a TON more than when I was just a college kid. Although I am about to become a college “kid” again next semester. The time has come, and I need to get my nursing degree. Anyways…lovely post.

    Sorry I havent been around in a while. I’ve been working full time nights. sigh. (Fri sat sun)

    • Amber
      September 15, 2011 at 1:44 pm (4 years ago)

      You’re back! Fabulous to see you! Congrats on going back to school – it’ll be worth it!

  4. A Mother's Thoughts
    September 14, 2011 at 9:01 am (4 years ago)

    Great post!! Every now and then (once a year) *sigh* my husband and I go to the bar to dance (well me really he goes to check out all the fresh flesh, and preceedsd to let me know that, “they weren’t made like this in my day.”), anyhoo, I feel old when I am embaressed for what the girls (not women, girls) are wearing these days at a nightclub. I am pretty sure that they pick out their prettiest bra and that is their shirt! It baffles my mind! And I totally agree with the drinking and seeing kids drive……how old are they 13!! lol


    • Amber
      September 15, 2011 at 1:43 pm (4 years ago)

      Yep, I hear you. Although back in the day, I had some bras that would’ve been pretty enough…I guess I was 15 years too early.

  5. Tomekha
    September 19, 2011 at 8:03 pm (4 years ago)

    I’m but 22 now – fresh out of college but but there are a number of things i see ‘young people’ do that just make me roll my eyes – and one thing that absolutely AMAZES me is how intoleant I’ve become of messes at home – you know as a teen you don’t care about a messy room and you gripe about doing the dishes or any other chore? NOW, I cannot STAND to see a mess – I KNOW I’m older.

    • Amber
      September 20, 2011 at 10:21 pm (4 years ago)

      Hmmm. The mess? I am okay with the mess…I create more than my biweekly cleaning person can keep up with. But I totally know what you mean.


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