I Admit It. I Am Jealous.

by Amber on June 22, 2011

Pour Your Heart OutI am not one of those moms who participates in the stay at home mom vs. working mom debate. As far as I’m concerned, we’re all working hard—regardless of whether we’re lucky enough to get a paycheck for our efforts.

I have lots of SAHM friends, and I know that their jobs are not easy. They are not appreciated. Get no breaks. And have no promotions, holiday bonuses or free lunches to look forward to.

But you know what? I’m jealous of them.

I envy their ability to spend a beautiful summer afternoon doing something silly, like riding the buses around town with their kids.

I envy their monotonous mornings spent doing laundry (because dang, at least it gets done) and long afternoons spent picking up little messes (before they become giant mountains of garbage).

I envy the hours they spend in the kitchen making lunches and snacks (because at least they always know what their kids like to eat).

I envy every consoling hug they get to dole out and boo boo they get to kiss. Every lecture they deliver and time out they pace through.

I am jealous of the good byes they never have to say, the tears they never have to wipe away, and the sad toddler faces they never have to see as they pull away.

I am jealous of their ability to simply be there, through the good days and the bad, day after day after day.

I know it’s no picnic being a SAHM, but I am, and always will be, more than a little jealous.

Please visit the other Pour Your Heart Out participants at Things I Can’t Say.

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{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }

Rebecca June 22, 2011 at 4:16 pm

((hugs))

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Amber June 23, 2011 at 8:33 am

thank you.

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Meagan June 22, 2011 at 4:16 pm

It is hard no matter what you choose. There are days I want to get away. There are times when an extra paycheck would go a long way. But then there are the moments when the boys do something I wouldn’t want to miss – and I feel bad for Chris because he only hears about it later. For us, part of the decision was that day care was so expensive that I’d turn over more than half my paycheck for it, so it didn’t make sense.

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Amber June 23, 2011 at 8:33 am

Daycare is a paycheck eater, that’s for sure. But oh well. We’ve got to do what we’ve got to do, you know?

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Sarah @ This Heavenly Life June 22, 2011 at 4:35 pm

While there are times when I find myself jealous of working moms, for the most part, I just find myself in awe of you. Outside work seems like such a hard balance, and no matter how much I may love my career, the stress of doing both would blow my mind. You seem superhuman in my eyes — capable of so much.

I guess I’m saying: I recognize you. Even though our work-situations are different, I see you. I notice your hard work, as you notice mine.

And truly, you just reminded me of all the things I am thankful for. And which I forget some days. Thank you for sharing your deepest thoughts :)

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Amber June 23, 2011 at 8:32 am

Have you seen my cape? It’s pink and sparkly and has a great big question mark on it (because I never have any idea what I’m doing). Thanks for the support!

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Jessica June 22, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Grass is always greener…

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Missy | The Literal Mom June 22, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Visiting from PYHO today. I’m a Stay at Home mom and it’s very hard. But I KNOW how hard it is for you too. I have many work outside the home mom friends and when I see their struggles, I try to appreciate my situation a little more. Both sides have attractive qualities. Both sides have drawbacks. I feel for you though – thanks for sharing.

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Amber June 23, 2011 at 8:31 am

Yep, this momming thing is just hard – no matter how you look at it.

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Alexandra June 22, 2011 at 7:32 pm

You know what?

And I AM jealous of your beautiful blog.

xo
(:

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Amber June 23, 2011 at 8:31 am

Well, this beautiful blog loves to see your smiling face! Thanks for listening to me whine.

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RoryBore June 22, 2011 at 8:18 pm

I’ve done both. both are hard – just in different ways. I struggled for that darn elusive balance in each situation. But you’re right… at the end of the day, it is just way easier to give up that paycheque, rather than all the things I’d miss by being here everyday. day in, day out…evenings and weekends too. LOL seriously, it is a blessing to be the one who is raising my children.

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Amber June 23, 2011 at 8:30 am

It is. Although we are lucky to have a couple of really awesome ladies doing daycare for us…but still.

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Anne - Mommy Has to Work June 22, 2011 at 8:29 pm

As a working mommy, I agree with you.. I am a little jealous too! Can’t I work part time??

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Amber June 23, 2011 at 8:29 am

That would be the best, wouldn’t it? A girl can dream…

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strugglingforeverafter June 22, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Yup… I am with you. I keep thinking Part time work would be perfect – but since that isn’t possible maybe that is another version of the greener grass!

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Amber June 23, 2011 at 8:29 am

Maybe that’s the slightly less brown grass?

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Adrienne June 22, 2011 at 9:20 pm

This jerked a tear. I feel like it was yesterday that I felt the same way. It’s been 4 years since I’ve been home, and I needed this reminder of how special it is. Sending hugs!

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Amber June 23, 2011 at 8:29 am

Hugs right back at you. Maybe it’ll work out for me someday…but I doubt it.

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Angie June 22, 2011 at 10:13 pm

Funny, I was going to post a PYHO about how I like to work and I don’t envy SAHMs today! Still working on it because it sounds bitter, and I’m not. I like working because even though it SUCKS not being with my LO all day, everyday, I cherish the time I have with her and it’s not spent running to play dates and finding ways to keep myself busy. I’m a better mom when I have my job. :-)

Like others said, the grass is greener.

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Amber June 23, 2011 at 8:26 am

That’s awesome that you know that about yourself! I think part-time work would be the best fit for me. I love my job, I love my family…I jut wish there was a little more balance.

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Amanda C June 22, 2011 at 10:46 pm

I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you when you work all day, and come home to work some more. Kudos to all of you working mamas! (And, I’m a little jealous of the great adult conversations you must be having every day!). :)
Our decision to have me stay home was due to the fact that Brian’s work schedule is so erratic (from getting home at dinner time to working until a day or two later), we wanted one of us around to give the kids more of a “routine” to their day (although, they seem to be learning flexibility well).

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Amber June 23, 2011 at 8:26 am

Meh. Adults are highly overrated. They whine almost as much as toddlers do. You’ve got lots of years to work…only a few while they’re little!

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Joy June 22, 2011 at 11:39 pm

I can see why you’d be jealous. And I know that working vs. staying home are both hard. But sometimes I am jealous that I don’t get to go work and get away from the kids. I want to come home like Daddy and hear the excitement and see the hugs flying cuz mommy is home!

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Amber June 23, 2011 at 8:25 am

Yep, everybody’s always looking over at the other side of the fence, no matter which side you’re on…

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peeper June 23, 2011 at 12:59 am

I agree that neither job is the easier of the two. However, I came home after a 12 hour work day to a sleeping toddler. I missed her entire day. Again. I’m jealous too and counting the days to a time when part-time work will be an option.

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Amber June 23, 2011 at 8:24 am

My heart hurts for you. That bites. I’ll count with you…

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Heather H June 23, 2011 at 7:27 am

I completely agree! I know their job is not easy, and I don’t have the personality for it…but I wish I did and I envy that they know everything about their children – while I have to ask my daughter’s daycare teacher about certain things.

Wonderfully written!

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Amber June 23, 2011 at 8:24 am

Thank you. I am, however, very very glad that my daughter goes to such a wonderful daycare! We are blessed.

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Lisa June 23, 2011 at 10:11 am

I totally 100% agree and hear you. That was the subject of my very first PYHO. Please check it out.

http://myhappiness-log.blogspot.com/2011/03/pour-your-heart-out-wednesday.html

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Christie June 23, 2011 at 11:31 am

The grass seems greener to me in the SAHM yard until something great happens at work — I close a deal, get an atta-girl from my boss — and then I’m reminded why the grass is pretty good at my office. As Moms, we want to do it all — use our talents, earn a paycheck, be there for our kids. Some Moms have figured out how to balance all of it really well. Sometimes I feel like I’m either good at the office or good at home, but never really good at both. It’s a journey, though, and I appreciate your honesty about it!

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Heather of the EO June 23, 2011 at 5:22 pm

I’ve done both too. And they are just hard in different ways…BUT I will say that I totally get what you’re saying here. Because even though being a SAHM is totally exhausting and difficult, there’s another level of hard when you really don’t want to miss anything, but you have to. You’re not whining! :) Just being honest, which I totally respect :)

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Rach (DonutsMama) June 23, 2011 at 10:28 pm

I know you just read about me yesterday and my struggle as a SAHM. I have days where I want to go back to work b/c I just get so tired of dealing with a crying baby sometimes. There are no easy answers. We’re just 2 different sides of the same coin.

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Elisa June 24, 2011 at 5:18 am

I have been a SAHM for the most part of the past 11 years, and I have mixed feelings about it. But this post made me feel lucky. Thank you for that, for reminding me that I am lucky and there are lots of pluses to this – hopefully that will help me cope a little better with the dissatisfaction that has colored my days in the past few months!

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Amber June 26, 2011 at 7:05 am

Ah, the age old debate. I echo your thoughts here. I envy those that don’t have to experience prying their child from their leg each morning and turning around and walking out with screams echoing down the hall and to their car.
On the other hand, I can honestly say that I would be unhappy without my job. I think working makes me a better mother. Of course there is never going to be a right or wrong answer on this one.
My envy of stay at home mom’s is equal and opposite to my pity for them. It has to be the hardest job on the planet. Of that I am certain.

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Amber June 27, 2011 at 9:05 am

Agreed, on all fronts. Love my job, love my kid. I just wish it could all be a little better balanced sometimes…

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Lady Jennie June 26, 2011 at 4:11 pm

I do like the freedom that comes with being a SAHM but I’m about ready to lose my head l lately because there is just no division between work and home life. That part is hard.

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Amber June 27, 2011 at 9:04 am

I hear that from a lot of people. It’s just hard, no matter what you do!

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Caitlin {Pacifier In My Pocket} June 27, 2011 at 8:31 am

Me too.

I thought I’d have more to say on the topic, but you hit it all. Just… me too.

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Amber June 27, 2011 at 9:03 am

Yep. A lot of people seem to feel the same way…

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Shell June 27, 2011 at 2:17 pm

I know I’m lucky to be at home with my kids. It seems like it’s all hard- whatever we choose… or whatever we have to do.

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Amber June 28, 2011 at 9:42 am

Yep, being a mom is just tough. Totally worth it, though!

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