Him vs. Me: The Conversation That Says It All.

My husband and I are very, very different people. He worries about money, I worry about people. He has his feet firmly on the ground, I prefer to live in the clouds. He tends to be a bit of a pessimist, I try to be optimistic (although I sometimes fail). He deals in practicalities, I prefer the currency of dreams.

Here’s how those differences shake out in real life.

BRRRING, BBRRRING (the phone rings).

HIM(sounding unhappy): Hello?

ME: Hi! Are you on your way?

HIM: Yeah, but…

ME: But what? Are you going to be late? Because I don’t want to be The Parents Who Are Late on her second day at a new school…

HIM: No, no. I’m already halfway there.

ME: Oh. Then what’s the matter?

HIM: The car just made a really weird noise.

ME: Your car always makes weird noises. What’s the problem?

HIM: This one was bad. It sounded like something was crunching and grinding up things  inside the engine.

ME: Oh. Is it still making it?

HIM: No. In fact, all the noises are gone.

ME: They’re gone? That’s awesome! Why are you upset?

HIM: I think you’re missing the point.

ME: What point am I missing? Your car made an awful noise and then the noises disappeared. That rocks!

HIM: I think there’s something really wrong with the car.

ME: I think the car’s all better.

HIM: I think we should probably take it to the mechanic tonight.

ME: What? Why would we do that? What are we going to say—Uhh, my car stopped making noises, I need you to figure out why? They’ll look at us crazy.

HIM: No they won’t. It’s acting really weird. I’m worried something big is about to fall off the car.

ME: Are you sure you’re not overreacting?

HIM: I don’t think so. I have a feeling something really expensive needs to be fixed.

ME: Oh. Well worst comes to worst, you’ll get a new car.

HIM: This one only has 50,000 miles on it!

ME: Yeah, but it’s being held together with duct tape and rust.

HIM: We can’t afford a new car.

ME: We can’t afford a vacation either. But we’re going!

HIM (Sighing): You’re hopeless.

ME: And you’re a bummer. Love you anyway!

….And that’s how our marriage works. For the record, the noises are back, the car’s going in the shop—and we’re still going on vacation. And now Brian’s researching car noises on the Internet while I look for swimsuits. Somehow,  it all works out in the end.

13 Comments on Him vs. Me: The Conversation That Says It All.

  1. Rebecca
    April 27, 2011 at 10:16 pm (5 years ago)

    Are you sure you aren’t me and your husband isn’t my husband because this could have been written by me word for word. Kinda gave me chills, you two are my and Kevin’s twins. TWINS! (You need to get busy working on a baby brother for Tori)

    Reply
    • Amber
      April 28, 2011 at 9:55 am (5 years ago)

      You’ll have to talk to the hub about a baby brother…if we’re ever in the same town we’ll totally have to get together.

      Reply
  2. Missy @ Wonder, Friend
    April 27, 2011 at 10:48 pm (5 years ago)

    Hysterical. My husband and I can be in the same room, seemingly participating in the same conversation, and get two completely different takeaways. How we ended up married is kind of a mystery… I’m surprised we both understood that a proposal was happening, and that we later managed to coordinate a wedding. Wonders never cease.

    Reply
    • Amber
      April 28, 2011 at 9:54 am (5 years ago)

      That’s pretty funny. And true. We have that problem more often than I’d like to admit!

      Reply
  3. Alex@LateEnough
    April 28, 2011 at 9:43 am (5 years ago)

    My husband does the worst case scenario thing. Except with his health. I can even tell you have often he’s ‘broken’ something or ‘had cancer’.

    Reply
    • Amber
      April 28, 2011 at 9:54 am (5 years ago)

      I actually do that with my health…mostly because I’m such a klutz, I often do break things.

      Reply
  4. BalancingMama (Julie)
    April 28, 2011 at 11:45 am (5 years ago)

    That was funny. I’m definitely the “let’s just get a new one” type. My husband will waste 4 hours of our weekend trying to fix it, will probably break something in the process, will get mad, then return to the project and finally fix it. I just don’t have that kind of patience. Shopping, delivery, and paid installation are way easier!

    Reply
    • Amber
      April 29, 2011 at 8:58 am (5 years ago)

      Agreed. I’d have everything done for me, if I could! Even the gardening…there’s a whole lot of weeds out there right now!

      Reply
  5. alicia
    April 28, 2011 at 11:46 am (5 years ago)

    I totally agree men and woman are as different as it gets. BUT… I think I am normally the whiny person who hears the mysterious clunking car noises that hubs doesn’t hear so I’m obviously nuts.

    Reply
    • Amber
      April 29, 2011 at 8:57 am (5 years ago)

      That’s okay. One person has to hear the imaginary noises and the other has to ignore them. It’s just the way it works!

      Reply
  6. Erica
    April 28, 2011 at 10:05 pm (5 years ago)

    As long as you get to go on vacation!

    Reply
    • Amber
      April 29, 2011 at 8:57 am (5 years ago)

      Oh, I’m going. It’s already paid for!

      Reply
  7. Lady Jennie
    April 29, 2011 at 1:39 pm (5 years ago)

    First of all, this is funny. But he’s right to get the car checked out. Once my MIL had the engine FALL OUT of the bottom of her car at a stop light.

    Another time her engine caught on fire while she was driving (no, she’s not an unlucky person) and the guy who was following her helped out. It just so happens he was a fire extinguisher salesman, ha ha. I kid you not.

    So it’s good to be on top of the car problems.

    Reply

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