Sometimes.

Once upon a time, I had a five-year plan. I knew where I wanted my career to go. What I wanted to accomplish in my personal life. I was sure it was only a matter of time until I was sitting pretty, perched up high on the ladder to success.

Then life happened.

These days, I’m lucky if I have a five-day plan. Heck, I’m lucky if I remember what day it is.

Which isn’t to say I’ve given up.

I still have a long list of things I want to accomplish. I’m writing a novel this year. I’m trying hard to take my career in a new direction. I’m dedicated to keeping this blog alive. I’m attempting to keep my house cleaner and make my wardrobe hipper.

And then, of course, there’s those 15 pounds still stubbornly hanging around…

Most of the time, I’m happy with the progress I’m making. But sometimes? Sometimes I just want to curl up on the couch with my daughter and sit out a few rounds.

Sometimes I’d rather watch a few hours of TV than work on yet another writing project.

Sometimes I’d rather take a walk with my husband than spend my time connecting online.

Sometimes I’d rather get down on the floor and kick and scream next to my daughter than pick her up and haul her off to daycare.

Sometimes I just wish I could be a little more sure I’m doing it right.

Sometimes. Like right now.

20 Comments on Sometimes.

  1. Amanda C
    March 23, 2011 at 9:55 am (5 years ago)

    I totally understand. I thought I had a similar plan when I graduated college. That was almost eleven years ago. I think I decided recently that with two little ones at home, I’m just going to dream and when opportunities arise, I’ll try them out and see if they’re for me. I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

    Reply
    • Amber
      March 24, 2011 at 8:49 am (5 years ago)

      I think the trick is to never grow up. Then you can keep changing…that’s my strategy anyway.

      Reply
  2. Beth
    March 23, 2011 at 10:59 am (5 years ago)

    Great post! I certainly understand your uncertainty.

    Reply
    • Amber
      March 24, 2011 at 8:48 am (5 years ago)

      Thanks! I think it’s natural. Or at least, that’s what I tell myself.

      Reply
  3. Jessica - This is Worthwhile
    March 23, 2011 at 12:14 pm (5 years ago)

    Girl, I feel you on all counts. Looking for a job *is* my job and I can’t say I hate anything more than that right now. Those 15 lbs? Ugh, I hate them! And the couch calls to me most days and I don’t connect with anyone.

    BUT, I figure it’s all just a phase in the greater picture and it helps me feel good about whatever it is I am or am not doing.

    Reply
    • Amber
      March 24, 2011 at 8:48 am (5 years ago)

      That’s right. Tomorrow, or at least next month, will be better right?

      Reply
  4. Shell
    March 23, 2011 at 1:57 pm (5 years ago)

    Oh, I so relate. It’s trying to find that balance between the should-dos and the want-tos. Tweeted this out. :)

    Reply
    • Amber
      March 24, 2011 at 8:48 am (5 years ago)

      I wish I could just banish the word “should” from my vocab. Don’t think that’s going to happen though

      Reply
  5. purseblogger
    March 23, 2011 at 2:51 pm (5 years ago)

    Girl, I have totally been feeling this way. I so understand.

    Reply
    • Amber
      March 24, 2011 at 8:47 am (5 years ago)

      Thanks. I think we all feel like that, sometimes.

      Reply
  6. Lady Jennie
    March 23, 2011 at 5:02 pm (5 years ago)

    This is beautifully worded and so relatable. I think I have too many things that I’m not quite satisfied with, that I’m trying to improve. It’s nice to let it all fall down – all those balls we’re juggling – sometimes.

    Reply
    • Amber
      March 24, 2011 at 8:47 am (5 years ago)

      Except once I drop them, I find myself staring, wondering, “do I really want to pick these back up?” And then I do it anyway.

      Reply
  7. Allison @ Alli n Son
    March 23, 2011 at 5:06 pm (5 years ago)

    I had a similar conversation with my husband the other day. I just want some validation that I’m doing things right. I guess it has to come from within though. Boo.

    Reply
    • Amber
      March 24, 2011 at 8:46 am (5 years ago)

      Ah. Well, my inner voice has been awfully quiet lately. But I totally know what you mean.

      Reply
  8. BalancingMama (Julie)
    March 23, 2011 at 9:34 pm (5 years ago)

    Oh boy, do I understand! I used to be a fairly confident person. Now I’m a nervous wreck! Can’t stop wondering what I’m meant to be, if I’m doing things right, if I’m making a fool of myself somewhere. There are never enough hours in the day to get things done. At the same time, I want those “things” to just go away and let me sleep for a week. I think I’m lost in my own life!

    Reply
    • Amber
      March 24, 2011 at 8:46 am (5 years ago)

      Lost in your own life. Yep, I think that sums it up. But that just means we have a lot of life, right? That’s what I keep telling myself.

      Reply
  9. erica
    March 24, 2011 at 9:59 am (5 years ago)

    Girl, we have ALL been there! Right now, I am just going with the flow…

    Reply
    • Amber
      March 24, 2011 at 9:47 pm (5 years ago)

      I think that’s the best thing to do. Especially when preggers.

      Reply
  10. Missy @ Wonder, Friend
    March 24, 2011 at 2:59 pm (5 years ago)

    I hear you. I get this.

    And I’m going to tell you what I know is true, even though I frequently ignore this same idea in my own life: you are doing just fine. Better than fine. And there is no need to see five years, or even five minutes, down the road. Just keep going; one day you’ll be there, wherever there happens to be.

    If I can pull it together I’m actually posting something along these lines tomorrow. I’ve been thinking a lot about looking ahead and why it’s not always good for me… The post is a jumbled mess, though, because for the last two weeks I’ve completely given myself over to the “I’d rather…” moments.

    Reply
    • Amber
      March 24, 2011 at 9:47 pm (5 years ago)

      I’m reserving this entire weekend for “I’d rather” moments. I feel the need to wallow. Thank you for the pep talk…I just wish I didn’t feel so damn uncertain all the time.

      Reply

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