My Daughter Just Said What?

It was a perfect Saturday afternoon. So perfect that my mother actually complimented my parenting skills.

“Amber, you’re doing a wonderful job with Tori. She’s just as perfect as she can be.”

I beamed at the compliment. “See?” I thought to myself. “You don’t suck at this. Even your mother in law thinks you’re doing a good job.”

Out loud, I said, “Well, you know. She’s a smart kid. We’re just lucky.”

“I know, but she’s doing so good. I can’t believe how much she knows!”

“Yeah, we have to be careful. That little monkey picks things up so fast, we have to watch every word that comes out of our mouths.”

Just then, Tori came tearing around the corner, running smack into my leg.

“Hey there, sweetie. Are you ready for lunch?”

She nodded vigorously.

“What do you want? Macaroni or smoked sausage?’

“Hot shit!” she chirped back at me.

I paled. “Wha-at? You want what?”

“Hot shit, mommy!”

“Tori, we don’t use words like that. They aren’t nice to say.”

“MOM-my, want hot shit!”

Mortified, I sneaked a glance at my mother-in-law. But instead of the expression of horror I expected to see, I could tell she was trying not to laugh.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know where she learned that. It certainly wasn’t from me.”

My husband snorted. “No,” he said. “She’s more likely to learn the F word from you.”

“You’re. Not. Helping.”

My mother in law waved her hand, as if batting the words away.

“Well, what are you going to do?”she said. “This stuff happens.”

Meanwhile, Tori was pulling frantically at my legs. “HOT SHIT, mommy. Want HOT SHIT!”

“Umm. Okay. Sausage it is,” I said.

Wanting the moment to be over, I quickly got her lunch together. When everything was finally cut up into toddler-friendly micro bits, I sat her down at the table and plunked her plate in front of her.

“Here you go, cutie. Sausage and broccoli.”

She nodded. “Hot shit! Thank you, mommy!”

I looked at my husband and sighed. “Looks like that’s her new favorite phrase,” I said.

He shook his head. “I don’t think it means what you think it means. Tori, what’s this?” he asked, pointing at the sausage.

“Hot shit!”

“Sausage?”

She nodded. “Hot shit!”

He looked at me and we both cracked up.

So, we don’t have a little cusser on our hands. Yet. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time.

What’s the worst thing your kids have ever said?

19 Comments on My Daughter Just Said What?

  1. BalancingMama (Julie)
    March 15, 2011 at 9:39 pm (5 years ago)

    We used to make Amelia tell us about frogs, b/c “frog” in her language back then sounded just like the F word. My neighbor thought it was doubly hilarious to have her say “sit frog”. Ahh, grown ups can be so immature.

    Reply
    • Amber
      March 16, 2011 at 9:03 am (5 years ago)

      I think it’s a survival mechanism. To cope with all the temper tantrums and drama.

      Reply
  2. Rebecca
    March 15, 2011 at 9:53 pm (5 years ago)

    Isabella started rhyming at a very early age and we would just stroll through the house and pick up toys and say block, lock, sock (except sometimes she’d make up words that rhymed…..still a rhyme but a totally made up word). Well one day she said, “Mommy Rhyme! Itchin’ kitchen, bitchin'”. Except for her (At this point I had spent 24/7 with her) this was a totally made up word. She hadn’t ever heard the swear word so I know it was just made up…..but I was mortified nonetheless.

    Reply
    • Amber
      March 16, 2011 at 9:02 am (5 years ago)

      But hey, she’s got the rhyming thing down. Maybe she’s a poet and doesn’t even know it (sorry couldn’t help myself).

      Reply
  3. Gail
    March 15, 2011 at 10:01 pm (5 years ago)

    I’m horny (I’m hungry)
    F#ck (Frank-which is what my husband told her a lizard is called)
    F#ck (frog)
    And lately she has really been into repeating EVERTHING. Fortunately, I caught on to her little repeating ways and she says “shoot” and “darn it”, instead of the alternatives. Which is sooo cute when done in the right context.
    Also, my brother-in-law’s girlfriend taught her “Oh snap!” Last weekend, complete with jazz hand. Awesome …little kids are so damn (I mean darn) entertaining.

    Reply
    • Amber
      March 16, 2011 at 9:02 am (5 years ago)

      Yep. It’s kinda like teaching a puppy a new trick. So. Damn. Adorable.

      Reply
  4. andi
    March 15, 2011 at 10:33 pm (5 years ago)

    Just wrote about this recently as well! I ran a red light with my usual ‘Oh shit!’ and immediately heard that parroted in the back seat. I’m so bad, tho. . . . sometimes I’ll say ‘Bjorn, say ‘Oh shit’ just to hear it in that cute baby voice. Hell, why not?! He’s gonna hear it everytime I run a red light or trip over one more of his friggin toys!!

    http://buninthetoaster.blogspot.com/2011/02/storytime.html

    Reply
    • Amber
      March 16, 2011 at 9:01 am (5 years ago)

      You know, you gotta take the laughter where you can find it. Oh shit is ridiculously funny when said in a baby voice!

      Reply
  5. Rob
    March 16, 2011 at 12:03 am (5 years ago)

    I’ll have to tell you about the time my family and I were eating dinner with my company’s president, his wife, and a business associate, Sammy Somethingorother, who, incidentally, had a better than 50% chance of being Jewish. You’re thinking, “why does the ethnicity of this last person matter, Rob?” Good question. That’s because my lovely daughter was being a perfect angle drawing lots of pictures. I look over as see her putting the finishing touches on a huge, red swastika.

    oh crap.

    Reply
    • Amber
      March 16, 2011 at 9:00 am (5 years ago)

      Snort. That’s completely fantastic. I’m sure the embarrassment is just beginning in our house.

      Reply
  6. Missy @ Wonder, Friend
    March 16, 2011 at 12:13 am (5 years ago)

    Love that this happened with your MIL. How do kids know?

    Mine pronounces “office” more like, “ah, shit.” He’s not entirely off base…

    Reply
    • Amber
      March 16, 2011 at 8:59 am (5 years ago)

      I’d say he’s completely on target. Too funny.

      Reply
  7. Jen
    March 16, 2011 at 8:35 am (5 years ago)

    LOL! That is funny and similar things have happened to me. Hayden spent a week saying F*ck because we laughed at him once when he said it.

    Reply
    • Amber
      March 16, 2011 at 8:58 am (5 years ago)

      Oh yeah. One snort of laughter is enough to keep her going for at least a week. It’s a wonder she’s not a total potty mouth.

      Reply
  8. SaucyB
    March 16, 2011 at 9:55 am (5 years ago)

    oh that’s funny! By nothing short of a miracle, E never parrotted curse words when he was younger. (I’m not nearly as careful as i should be.) But he knows which words are bad now and if he catches me saying one he calls me on it. So i have my own linguistics police.

    SaucyB recently posted… Historic NJ: Thomas Edison Historical Park
    http://bit.ly/fEKi2b

    Reply
  9. erica
    March 16, 2011 at 10:46 am (5 years ago)

    I am cracking up over here! HOT SHIT!

    Reply
  10. Amanda C
    March 16, 2011 at 11:03 am (5 years ago)

    As recently as about six months ago, our 4-year-old was calling a certain kids’ board game made by a German company “Crappy Bastard”. What he was really saying was the English translation for the game–“Crafty Badger”. We still laugh at it, even though he’s in speech therapy now and is learning how to pronounce certain letters correctly. About a year and a half ago, I knew I was saying “Oh, crap!” way too much when I heard him nonchalantly walking around the house quietly muttering “Oh, crap!” to himself–and in context. :) I’m glad my husband has kept his own “harder” curse words to himself.

    Reply
  11. Lady Jennie
    March 16, 2011 at 4:27 pm (5 years ago)

    Oh that’s so funny. I don’t think any of my kids have said a swear word yet (known on wood), even by accident.

    Reply
  12. Michelle
    March 17, 2011 at 8:08 am (5 years ago)

    It’s amazing how much
    “Fraggle Rock”
    sounds like
    “F*** you”
    when coming from the mouth of a 2 year old.

    Reply

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