For My Favorite Preggos: How Not to Talk to a Pregnant Woman.

Lovely readers, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it seems everybody on the Internet is pregnant (everybody but me, that is). Being surrounded by so much talk of babies has me reminiscing about my own pregnancy, sometimes far too tenderly. To remind myself of how much it did indeed suck, I read through some of my old posts.

In them, I found this gem. If you’ve ever been pregnant (or known someone who was), I think you’ll appreciate this. So without further ado, I give you…Four Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman.

Throughout most of this pregnancy, I’ve tried very hard to be a good sport. Sure, there have been moments, even days, when speaking to me has been a dangerous undertaking. But for the most part, I think I’ve been very tolerant of even the most asinine comments.

But you know what? I have no more tolerance left. And I’d really hate to have to hurt you. So, for the love of all that is good in this world, don’t utter any of the following comments in my presence:

“Man,  you sure are getting big.” Really? I hadn’t noticed. In fact, I thought my current shape made me a prime candidate for the cover of the next Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Here’s a hint: if there’s a chance the pregnant woman in front of you can’t see her toes, it is no longer cool to mention her size. We don’t feel cute. We just feel fat. And you’re not helping.

Closely related to this comment is, “You’re as big as a house!” Which is funny, because, technically, if you’re pregnant, you are a house. To a person who’s getting bigger, and stretching your body further out of shape, every day. And you know what? That’s not really a lot of fun. Listening to people say things like that is even less so. So can it.

Another no-no: “Are you really going to eat that?” Whether the woman in question is eating a plate of broccoli drenched in strawberry jelly or a monster-sized hot fudge sundae, you’d be better off eating your own shoe than uttering that sentence. Food is one of the few remaining pleasures a pregnant woman has. Leave her alone.

And the worst offender? “Does getting knocked up give you a license to complain or something? Because that’s all you ladies seem to do.” My two word answer? Bite me. If you’d had your body taken over by an alien lifeform for nine months, been deprived of sleep, lost your ability to breathe, bend over or tie your shoes, and been put on a hormonal roller coaster with no off ramps for good measure, you’d be feeling pretty cranky too. So shut it, please.

Otherwise, that brittle smile and hollow laugh I offer you might turn into the snarl and hiss of rage it’s intended to be. And what follows probably won’t be fun for either of us.

18 Comments on For My Favorite Preggos: How Not to Talk to a Pregnant Woman.

  1. Meagan
    February 11, 2011 at 2:41 pm (5 years ago)

    High on my list were comments about names. We chose not to share the names we were considering, but still got a lot of:

    “I hope you aren’t considering ____ because I hate that name.” (really? I love it. Good thing this isn’t your kid.)

    “Have you thought about ____ because that is the most beautiful name.” (We’ve considered a lot of names. That didn’t make our short list because we hate that name.)

    “Don’t you want to share your names? That way we can all critique them (ok, not that last bit, but that was the intention).” (Um, no. We really don’t want to hear what you think of the name we are giving our child.)

    Reply
    • Amber
      February 13, 2011 at 6:01 pm (5 years ago)

      Yep, we let it be known we were thinking of victoria, and I can’t tell you how many people said, “oh, I hate that name. Aaaand?

      Reply
  2. Andi
    February 11, 2011 at 2:48 pm (5 years ago)

    How about “Are you Mormon or Catholic?” when I tell them I am pregnant and have an almost-two year old. As if those are the only two groups in the world that have lots of kids. (And I only have two!! Who cares how close together they are?!) And, yes, I am Catholic, so that pisses me off even more.

    Or “Are you going to go back to work/move into a bigger house/move closer to family?’ I don’t know. Things change every second, so I don’t know what the future holds. But if I WAS planning on doing any of things, it would come up on its own without you bugging me about the future. As if there aren’t enough things on my mind!

    And the list goes on and on. . . . .

    Reply
    • Amber
      February 13, 2011 at 6:00 pm (5 years ago)

      People are endlessly rude, aren’t they? Stupid people.

      Reply
  3. Rebecca
    February 11, 2011 at 2:51 pm (5 years ago)

    I kinda liked the big as a house comments BUT!! Nobody could tell I was pregnant for the first 7 months and then all of a sudden my belly popped out and I was HUGE. And I loved it! But I’m different and strange.

    Reply
    • Amber
      February 13, 2011 at 6:00 pm (5 years ago)

      You are a very lucky woman. I started looking pregnant at oh, 12 weeks?

      Reply
  4. Erica
    February 11, 2011 at 3:12 pm (5 years ago)

    How about… How do you feel? Ppl can’t win win thus question. If I tell them great, I am lying. If they want the truth, it could get ugly.

    Reply
    • Amber
      February 13, 2011 at 5:59 pm (5 years ago)

      SO, erica…how do you feel?

      Reply
      • erica
        February 13, 2011 at 9:21 pm (5 years ago)

        Honestly? I feel good. I keep forgetting I’m pregnant… you know, aside from the heartburn.

        Reply
  5. Allison @ Alli 'n Son
    February 11, 2011 at 3:31 pm (5 years ago)

    The first one is on the top of my list. Oh man do I hate that. As if we aren’t self conscious enough the way it is, being pregnant and all.

    Reply
    • Amber
      February 13, 2011 at 5:58 pm (5 years ago)

      Too true. Although I’m sure you look beautiful.

      Reply
  6. Joey @ Big Teeth & Clouds
    February 11, 2011 at 3:36 pm (5 years ago)

    I can’t believe someone actually said that last one! I think they must get punched in the face a lot.

    Reply
    • Amber
      February 13, 2011 at 5:58 pm (5 years ago)

      Yep. Actually did. It was not one of their finer moments, to be sure.

      Reply
  7. Meagan
    February 11, 2011 at 3:50 pm (5 years ago)

    Ok, I’ll share this gem with everyone.

    The first question not to ask is ‘are you pregnant?’

    As I shared on twitter, when I was pregnant, my MIL and I went to a maternity shop. The clerk had a bit of a belly and MIL asked when she was due. Turned out her kid was 2 and she is diabetic so has excess belly fat.

    How many women have bellies? Especially after having babies? So never ever ask a woman if she is pregnant unless you see the baby emerging. And then the question is moot.

    Reply
    • Amber
      February 13, 2011 at 5:57 pm (5 years ago)

      Always a good judgment call. There’s nothing more damaging to a person’s self esteem.

      Reply
  8. Shell
    February 11, 2011 at 3:51 pm (5 years ago)

    I think close behind for me was “enjoy your sleep now…”

    Seriously, there is no point to telling a pregnant woman that.

    Reply
    • Amber
      February 13, 2011 at 5:57 pm (5 years ago)

      Right. I had insomnia, so I sure wasn’t enjoying any.

      Reply
      • erica
        February 13, 2011 at 9:23 pm (5 years ago)

        I HATED when people told me that. Like, do you think I am a complete idiot? I KNOW babies are up all night. I am not a moron.
        Oh, and I had insomnia too, so every time I would complain about not sleeping, inevitably someone would say with a chuckle, “Get used to it! haha!”
        Not. Funny.

        Reply

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