Ten More Signs You Might Be PMSing.

PMS. It’s a well-searched topic. How do I know? Well, this post I wrote, Top Ten Signs You Might Be PMSing, is  my most searched and clicked upon post ever (Second? This rant about Sarah Palin, though it got only four comments).

But you know what? Those ten signs were only the tip of the iceberg. And I, professional PMS sufferer that I am, have far more knowledge to share on this fascinating subject. So here, for your edification, are ten more signs that you’re PMSing:

Your facial expression defaults to scowl. Normally, my moods cycle from pretty happy to mildly pissed to really tired on a mostly hourly basis throughout the day. While PMSing? My moodostat stays set at crabby. Really F’in Crabby.

Your spouse’s annoying habits become a hundred times more annoying. My husband is a morning person. I? Am not. On a normal day, this difference in attitude in the pre-dawn hours often causes mild strife. On PMS days? His tendency to sing obnoxious songs, tease the crabby person and, well, be cheerful causes blind rage. Example: this morning I threatened to punch him in the face if he sang “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” one more time (and I absolutely meant it).

You suffer from unnatural cravings. While pregnant, I never experienced any of those weird cravings I was supposed to get. But when on the rag? There’s no predicting what I might want to eat. Right now, I seriously want Cracker Barrel (and only Cracker Barrel) pancakes. I might cut someone if I don’t get them soon.

You turn into an obsessed shopaholic. Retail therapy is always beneficial when I’m feeling lousy. But when PMSing? I fixate on particular objects—and must find the perfect example of said object. Earlier, I spent 3.5 hours looking for boots for Tori, and have yet to settle on any.

Your body attacks you. Bed drenching night sweats? Check. Medication resistant migraines? Check. Zits the size of Mt. Everest and cold sores worthy of the Wicked Witch of the West? Check, check and check. That Eve sure has a lot to answer for.

Your worry meter goes berserk. Will the .025 inches of snow on the road cause my brakes to go out? Will global warming make Indiana the only dry spot in the U.S.? Will the next Harry Potter movie suck? On a normal day, I don’t really care about any of these issues. Today? They’re taking up an unreasonable amount of space in my brain.

You get unpredictably weepy. Things I’ve teared up over today? This article on penning coyotes, this picture of a snowed-in horse, and the thought that my 11-year-old cat might die some day. Really.

You want your mom/best friend/favorite stuffed animal from childhood. Or whatever else is near and dear to you, yet impossibly far away.

Random things become impossibly annoying. Things like…the insufferably loud typing of a coworker. A person’s gaudy plaid shirt. The tendency of every idiotic driver in the state to get on the road and drive idiotically when snow falls from the sky.

And, because it just can’t be stated enough, you kinda hate everyone around you. Enough said.

And that concludes this edition of ridiculously obnoxious PMS symptoms. What would you add to the list?

15 Comments on Ten More Signs You Might Be PMSing.

  1. Joey @ Big Teeth & Clouds
    December 1, 2010 at 5:50 pm (5 years ago)

    People are capable of typing really loud. I’m sorry if the typing of this comment bothered you in any way.

    Reply
    • Amber
      December 2, 2010 at 9:17 am (5 years ago)

      You are forgiven. But don’t you dare sing while you type.

      Reply
  2. Shell
    December 1, 2010 at 7:06 pm (5 years ago)

    EVERYTHING about my husband annoys me when I have pms. Not just his annoying traits, but the fact that he’s breathing too loudly for my taste.

    Reply
    • Amber
      December 2, 2010 at 9:16 am (5 years ago)

      How ’bout the fact that he’s breathing at all? Oh wait…I didn’t say that out loud…

      Reply
  3. Erin
    December 1, 2010 at 9:00 pm (5 years ago)

    Freaking hilarious!

    As I sit, surrounded by heavy fleece blankets but wearing no pants becuase my body cannot regulate its temperature, tears are streaming down my face while watching “The Rookie” and I don’t even like sports –

    I had a desire for cheese filled tortilli and buttermilk ranch pretzels – I purchased both and now smell like an old foot.

    Horray for Aunt Flo

    Reply
    • Amber
      December 2, 2010 at 9:15 am (5 years ago)

      Old foot. A truly disgusting flavor if ever I heard of one. Cheers!

      Reply
  4. Alexandra
    December 2, 2010 at 10:49 am (5 years ago)

    Does throwing a kitchen chair across the room when they ask for more juice count?

    Reply
    • Amber
      December 5, 2010 at 7:51 pm (5 years ago)

      Maybe? Or it might just be that mama needs a break.

      Reply
  5. erica
    December 2, 2010 at 11:33 am (5 years ago)

    This is weird, but I bump into things… a lot. I mis-judge door widths, walk into walls, walk into chairs…

    Aside from that oddity, I just have the regular ‘ol chocolate/salt craving.

    Reply
    • Amber
      December 5, 2010 at 7:51 pm (5 years ago)

      I bump into things even when well rested and entirely in my right mind.

      Reply
  6. SaucyB
    December 2, 2010 at 4:28 pm (5 years ago)

    Oh I hear you on all of that! For me, the cravings are centered around chocolate and carbs. I could eat bagels for every meal. And as far as my mood? I’m so bitchy I don’t even want to be around me.

    SaucyB recently posted: The Imaginary Fox & the Hound
    http://bit.ly/hOj5Xi

    Reply
    • Amber
      December 5, 2010 at 7:50 pm (5 years ago)

      Can the bagels have chocolate on them?

      Reply
  7. Lady Jennie
    December 3, 2010 at 4:15 pm (5 years ago)

    Oh my gosh! We wrote twin posts! You know when people hang out, they get on the same cycle? It must happen to blogging buddies too.

    Reply
    • Amber
      December 5, 2010 at 7:50 pm (5 years ago)

      I would believe it!

      Reply
  8. Angela
    January 31, 2011 at 8:43 pm (5 years ago)

    I have luckily managed to get rid of the moodiness, but believe me, I tried everything first! I think I have read just about every suggestion out there. I still get a little bloated, but I no longer am in danger of destroying my life for a week out of every month (by quitting my job, breaking up with my boyfriend, killing someone, the list goes on)! I can actually plan vacations any time I want now…. :)

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Comment *