PMS. It’s a well-searched topic. How do I know? Well, this post I wrote, Top Ten Signs You Might Be PMSing, is my most searched and clicked upon post ever (Second? This rant about Sarah Palin, though it got only four comments).
But you know what? Those ten signs were only the tip of the iceberg. And I, professional PMS sufferer that I am, have far more knowledge to share on this fascinating subject. So here, for your edification, are ten more signs that you’re PMSing:
Your facial expression defaults to scowl. Normally, my moods cycle from pretty happy to mildly pissed to really tired on a mostly hourly basis throughout the day. While PMSing? My moodostat stays set at crabby. Really F’in Crabby.
Your spouse’s annoying habits become a hundred times more annoying. My husband is a morning person. I? Am not. On a normal day, this difference in attitude in the pre-dawn hours often causes mild strife. On PMS days? His tendency to sing obnoxious songs, tease the crabby person and, well, be cheerful causes blind rage. Example: this morning I threatened to punch him in the face if he sang “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” one more time (and I absolutely meant it).
You suffer from unnatural cravings. While pregnant, I never experienced any of those weird cravings I was supposed to get. But when on the rag? There’s no predicting what I might want to eat. Right now, I seriously want Cracker Barrel (and only Cracker Barrel) pancakes. I might cut someone if I don’t get them soon.
You turn into an obsessed shopaholic. Retail therapy is always beneficial when I’m feeling lousy. But when PMSing? I fixate on particular objects—and must find the perfect example of said object. Earlier, I spent 3.5 hours looking for boots for Tori, and have yet to settle on any.
Your body attacks you. Bed drenching night sweats? Check. Medication resistant migraines? Check. Zits the size of Mt. Everest and cold sores worthy of the Wicked Witch of the West? Check, check and check. That Eve sure has a lot to answer for.
Your worry meter goes berserk. Will the .025 inches of snow on the road cause my brakes to go out? Will global warming make Indiana the only dry spot in the U.S.? Will the next Harry Potter movie suck? On a normal day, I don’t really care about any of these issues. Today? They’re taking up an unreasonable amount of space in my brain.
You get unpredictably weepy. Things I’ve teared up over today? This article on penning coyotes, this picture of a snowed-in horse, and the thought that my 11-year-old cat might die some day. Really.
You want your mom/best friend/favorite stuffed animal from childhood. Or whatever else is near and dear to you, yet impossibly far away.
Random things become impossibly annoying. Things like…the insufferably loud typing of a coworker. A person’s gaudy plaid shirt. The tendency of every idiotic driver in the state to get on the road and drive idiotically when snow falls from the sky.
And, because it just can’t be stated enough, you kinda hate everyone around you. Enough said.
And that concludes this edition of ridiculously obnoxious PMS symptoms. What would you add to the list?