Seven Ways to Stay Off the Marriage Counselor’s Couch.

Remember those first giddy days of marriage? When just the thought of coming home to your honey was enough to make your blood zing – even if all you had lined up was an evening of cleaning toilets and doing dishes?

Yeah. That didn’t take long to wear off, did it?

It doesn’t take long to discover that marriage is work. A lot of work. And if you’re like me? You forget from time to time. I mean, after weeks (or months) of slogging through a nine to five, changing landfills full of dirty diapers and downing countless  doses of Dayquil, it’s easy to move  paying attention to your partner to the bottom of your list.

But unless you want to find yourself being dragged by your granny panties to some overly earnest therapist’s couch, it’s best to make a little bit of an effort (even if you have to pretend to want to make it). Here’s seven (comparatively) easy ways to get that spark of love off auto pilot.

  1. Turn off the damn computer. Blogger or no, I’m guessing if you’re reading this, you spend too much time glued to that sexy little monitor (and he probably does too). So. Shut. It. Down. You’ll be amazed at how much more handsome his face is when not seen through the stark white glow of your computer screen. That goes for smartphones and iPods too.
  2. Make a little…conversation. Remember how you used to be able to talk for hours? Well, you still can. Put a fire in the fireplace, turn down the lights and reenact that awkward first date conversation.
  3. Retire the granny panties. I know. They’re comfy. But as far as sex appeal goes? They’re only slightly better than geriatric support hose. He’ll appreciate knowing you’re wearing something uncomfortably frilly, even if it’s underneath a stretched out sweatshirt and yoga pants.
  4. Fuss a little. What makes you feel sexy? Red lipstick? Killer heels? Pants with a zipper? This is the time to rock ’em.
  5. Leave the house. Without your kids/purse dog. Go to dinner, sit in a coffee house, make fun of people at Walmart. Just do something together.
  6. Go to bed. Together. A lot of married couples I know are on completely different nocturnal schedules. One goes to sleep at nine. The other stays up till dawn. One needs absolute dark. The other needs (shudder) Leno to make his or her way to dreamland. Try shaking things up and going to bed at the same time. It’s a good way to connect…and might set the stage for fun.
  7. After all, a little nookie never hurt anyone. In fact, nine out of ten men will tell  you a little sex can fix anything (and the one that says it doesn’t is lying).

That’s all  I’ve got. But hey, I’m open to suggestions. So tell me, Internet. How do you keep the love alive and Marvin Gaye grooving?

17 Comments on Seven Ways to Stay Off the Marriage Counselor’s Couch.

  1. Rebecca
    December 13, 2010 at 9:53 pm (5 years ago)

    Never go to bed angry. Work it out before falling asleep, even if you’re only pretending to be okay. Remember that even when you’re angry that you love one another and say so. Say “I love you” at least once a day to your spouse. Put the kids to bed at least an hour before you go to bed so you can spend some time together before falling asleep together. Hold hands in the car, while watching television, while walking the mall, the possibilities are endless.

    Reply
    • Amber
      December 14, 2010 at 9:11 am (5 years ago)

      Awww, holding hands. That is definitely an under utilized gesture of affection.

      Reply
  2. Nolie
    December 13, 2010 at 10:22 pm (5 years ago)

    We always go to bed together. Once in a blue moon I will stay up later but not often. Doesn’t mean we both fall asleep. I usually end up surfing on the iphone after he rolls over to sleep but we still go to bed together. We also use this time to just talk. Same with lunch and when he comes home for work. We take at least 5 minutes of us time to catch up on the day.

    Reply
    • Amber
      December 14, 2010 at 9:11 am (5 years ago)

      That’s a great idea. We always make an effort to talk at lunch.

      Reply
  3. Stephanie
    December 13, 2010 at 11:11 pm (5 years ago)

    My husband stays up 3 or 4 hours later than me every night, but he tucks me in every night. I love it. I just need that quality time, I don’t need him to stay in the bed.

    I also agree with those 9 men. Sharing a little pleasure makes the world a brighter place.

    Reply
    • Amber
      December 14, 2010 at 9:10 am (5 years ago)

      Those nine men are on to something, that’s for sure. I love that he tucks you in. So cute!

      Reply
  4. Lise
    December 13, 2010 at 11:27 pm (5 years ago)

    Always make a conscious effort to thank your significant other for the little things they do. “Thanks for working so hard all day long!” “Thanks for being a great mom!” “Thanks for taking out that trash – I’d been meaning to get to it all day!”

    It always brings a smile to my heart when my hubby thanks me for something that I consider to be part of my “job” as a wife and mother. It encourages me to keep doing the little things – because I know he notices and appreciates them. Also, when I screw up and he grumps at me about it, it makes it a little easier to swallow, because for every 1 grump, I usually get 10 thank-yous!

    Reply
    • Amber
      December 14, 2010 at 9:09 am (5 years ago)

      Thank you is a very important phrase to master. It even works coming from my toddler!

      Reply
  5. Erin
    December 14, 2010 at 12:15 am (5 years ago)

    well…we recently ended up on the therapists couch and i’ll tell you, it’s not such a bad place to be.

    We learned a LOT about each other and even though the circumstances that brought us there were – TERRIBLE – we both have come to see it as a blessing.

    as far as keeping the spark alive, I find that #7 works wonders – a little Nookie – begets more nookie:) It’s good stuff if you try it:)

    Great post!

    Reply
    • Amber
      December 14, 2010 at 9:09 am (5 years ago)

      Oh, we’ve done our time on the couch. And it did turn out to be a good thing…I was being a bit tongue in cheek. Not sure if that came through though…

      Reply
  6. Jen
    December 14, 2010 at 8:24 am (5 years ago)

    I think this is an awesome post! Totally full of awesome advice.

    Reply
    • Amber
      December 14, 2010 at 9:08 am (5 years ago)

      Thanks. I was bored with myself so I decided to do something different.

      Reply
  7. Lady Jennie
    December 14, 2010 at 3:27 pm (5 years ago)

    Pants with a zipper as a way to dress up

    snorting with laughter.

    Reply
    • Lady Jennie
      December 14, 2010 at 3:28 pm (5 years ago)

      (because of how true it is)

      Reply
      • Amber
        December 15, 2010 at 10:12 pm (5 years ago)

        Isn’t it though? My husband was complaining about my lack of sexy clothes, and I was like, hey I’m wearing the jeans that make my butt look good. What more do you want?

        Reply
  8. Megan (Best of Fates)
    December 14, 2010 at 4:12 pm (5 years ago)

    Wait… geriatric support hose isn’t sexy?

    Well, no wonder I can’t catch a man.

    Reply
    • Amber
      December 15, 2010 at 10:11 pm (5 years ago)

      Snort. Well, I’m sure there’s a certain subset of man that would find them very sexy. There’s a fetish for everything, right?

      Reply

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