In a few short days, I will be celebrating my twelfth wedding anniversary. Twelve years, in my book, is a very long time. Long enough to get to know your spouse almost better than you know yourself.
But there are still things about me that seem to mystify my husband. So here, in no particular order, are twelve silly things he really should know by now.
1. Yes, the lack of coffee really does turn me into the Wicked Witch of the West. So the next time we run out? Don’t try to talk to me—just go get me some.
2. No, I can’t close that cupboard. I am lacking the chromosome that tells my arm to shut the cupboards and drawers (and sometimes even refrigerators) it just opened. It’s not my fault—it’s genetic.
3. Yes, making a decision really is that hard. I am a Libra. We are not good with decisions. I am predestined to waffle endlessly.
4. No, I don’t really take astrology seriously. Except when it suits my purposes. Then I do (see above).
5. Yes, I really do need to go to bed at 11:30. If I don’t, I am in danger of turning into a gremlin when my alarm goes off at 6:30.
6. No, I am not the same woman at 3 a.m. If I am awake in the wee hours of the morning (and it’s not because I’ve been having too good of a time to go to bed) I am whiny, crabby and prone to tears. Sorry about that.
7. Yes, I do want you to tell me I look beautiful when I ask you how I look.
8. No, I don’t want you to let me leave the house looking like a mismatched freak.
8.5. Yes, I know the two statements above sometimes put you in a Catch 22 situation. Sorry about that, too.
9. Yes, I do need to plan those imaginary vacations every month. Because if I’m persistent enough? And present enough “deals of the century?” Eventually you’re bound to give in (you can blame my mom for that one).
10. No, I can’t refrain from those periodic bouts of retail therapy. And yes, I probably will continue to try to hide the spoils from you (you can blame my mom for that one, too) ((love you, mom)).
11. Yes, birthday money does magically multiply by a factor of ten. But surely you know that by now.
12. No, I really can’t kill that spider. So, please, just do it for me?
13-100. I love you even when I’m at my most bitchy/obnoxious/ridiculous. You’re stuck with me, babe. Who else is going to put up with me?