Oh, My Conflicted Ovaries.

I always assumed I’d have two kids. I mean, if you’re going to totally disrupt your life to pop out one of the little buggers, you might as well have another to keep the first one company, right?

Then I had Tori. And man is she a lot of work.

Don’t get me wrong. On the whole, she’s a delight. A happy, well-adjusted baby who is rarely without a smile. She’s also rarely at a standstill. Every five seconds finds her doing something new—often something that requires my intervention.

And if I sneak away for a few minutes to take care of business (i.e. go to the bathroom)? A panicked Tori comes to find me, calling “Mama? MAMA!” until she’s once again physically attached to me.

It’s exhausting.

The only time I can get anything done is when she naps and after she goes to bed. Which means that on most days, I get a whole 15 minutes to myself (most of which I spend blogging).

So I find myself wondering. How the hell would I ever manage two?

And yet.

And yet, there’s that irrational, unreasonable part of me that just wants another one.

Wants.

Wants to feel those little baby kicks. Wants to snuggle that itty bitty creature close. Wants to watch her (or him) discover the world. Wants to see that first smile, those first wobbly steps, that first mumbly word.

Wants.

Wants Tori to have a sibling. Someone to laugh and play and fight with. Someone who understands where she comes from. Someone who will always be there—someone she can count on after we’re gone.

But I’m exhausted. And broke. Exhausted and broke and not at all sure we could afford another one.

So I remind myself of how much pregnancy sucked.

Of the bajillions of hours of sleep I’ve lost over the last two years.

Of how much I enjoy vacations, and how rarely I’d be able to take them if another kid entered the picture.

Of how little my husband wants to add to the cozy family of three we’ve created.

Of the near 100% chance that the next one will be a total hellion  (if the first one’s golden, the second’s a mess. I’ve seen it happen more times than I can count).

But still. The Want remains.

What’s a woman with one conflicted ovary to do?

35 Comments on Oh, My Conflicted Ovaries.

  1. Jenn
    October 29, 2010 at 12:57 pm (5 years ago)

    Oh. My. Goodness. I could have written this myself! I totally agree. It’s definitely an internal conflict, something I struggle with all the time. Glad I’m not alone in my confusion!

    Reply
    • Amber
      October 29, 2010 at 2:00 pm (5 years ago)

      Me too. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked, “so when’s the next one coming?” No one wants to hear, “I don’t know.” But I don’t!

      Reply
  2. Joey @ Big Teeth & Clouds
    October 29, 2010 at 1:33 pm (5 years ago)

    We got an easy out on this one – irreparable secondary infertility. When I start to think of that second little girl we never had that looks just like my first daughter and is perfectly compatible, I remind myself it’s a pipe dream. It helps me stay thankful for what I’ve got already which is one really wonderful child.

    If I had working ovaries it would be tougher for sure!

    Reply
    • Amber
      October 29, 2010 at 1:59 pm (5 years ago)

      Yes. Pipe dream. Absolutely. So it’s not only okay, it’s for the best! But I’m very sorry that the choice was taken away from you.

      Reply
  3. Rebecca
    October 29, 2010 at 1:45 pm (5 years ago)

    “if the first one’s golden, the second’s a mess. I’ve seen it happen more times than I can count”

    Yes, a million different ways YES YES YES. My first calm, easy going, go with the flow, I’m okay if you’re okay, healthy (remarkably healthy)……….My second, the polar opposite.. …THE POLAR OPPOSITE!

    Reply
    • Amber
      October 29, 2010 at 1:58 pm (5 years ago)

      See? I knew it. I should totally listen to the rational/really would like to stay sane part of me.

      Reply
  4. AmyBlam
    October 29, 2010 at 2:13 pm (5 years ago)

    oh lord, I feel ya. Bratchild is 9 and I don’t want to start over and money would be an issue and it’s generally just not a good idea but there still is that want.

    Reply
    • Amber
      October 29, 2010 at 2:52 pm (5 years ago)

      Oh good. I’m not the only one with runaway hormones then!

      Reply
  5. MommyLisa
    October 29, 2010 at 2:20 pm (5 years ago)

    No confliction needed for me, just longing occaisionally because to have #1 it took,
    $5000 +
    3 years of bi-monthly or MORE doctor office visits
    1 miscarriage

    And I was 38 when she was born and I am TIRED. Plus, we have two step-children from my hubbies first marriage. Three is plenty for anyone. 😉

    Reply
    • Amber
      October 29, 2010 at 2:52 pm (5 years ago)

      Yes. If I were you, I’d definitely say ENOUGH. Three is a lot of work. Or so I imagine.

      Reply
  6. Jen
    October 29, 2010 at 3:16 pm (5 years ago)

    I believe that as long as we are women, we will always have ‘the want’. I have triplets plus one and I STILL want.

    Crazy, I know.

    Reply
  7. alicia
    October 29, 2010 at 6:04 pm (5 years ago)

    I can so relate! We wanted tons. Then we had one. That one. Ugh. That tiring, adorable one. That took us 7 years mind you. Then we decided maybe one was good and then out came our 2nd. I feel blessed, but am reminded that it is not always on our timetable. Know what I mean?

    Reply
    • Amber
      October 31, 2010 at 11:02 am (5 years ago)

      It’s funny how life always seems to work out that way, isn’t it? We’ll just see what the fates have in store…

      Reply
  8. Allison @ Alli 'n Son
    October 29, 2010 at 8:07 pm (5 years ago)

    I’m so there. Except I on the need another baby side. We’ll see how that goes.

    Reply
    • Amber
      October 31, 2010 at 11:02 am (5 years ago)

      I hope you get your wish very soon.

      Reply
  9. Sharon Kendrew
    October 29, 2010 at 10:22 pm (5 years ago)

    Well, since you asked… Have another one!

    Trust me on this… if not you will be the playmate for the next 18 years. Think you’ve heard “mama!!!” enough times? Wait til it turns to “watch me! are you watching! no, mama, WATCH!”. With only one you will forever and a day need to find that friend to take on vacation to keep your child amused. The friend whose parents will allow little Susie to go on your family’s vacation.

    And don’t wait too long… space them too far apart and you’ll be raising two only children!

    Reply
    • Amber
      October 31, 2010 at 11:03 am (5 years ago)

      After playing ring around the rosy until I was dizzy this morning, I thought about this comment. You may be right there…

      Reply
  10. Gail
    October 30, 2010 at 10:47 am (5 years ago)

    I had another one before I had a chance to think about it. And yes, I am exhausted.

    A woman once told me that she had her daughter, and she was 3 and she was so happy with her and their relationship and they had such a great time together. And she decided that she was happy with just her daughter. So she told her sister that. And her sister told her not to be selfish, to have one more child. And she wouldn’t trade her son for thr world. Granted, they are in their 20s now, but that story always stuck with me…when I am sleep-deprived and sad and crying, I think about how un-selfish I am being:)

    Reply
    • Amber
      October 31, 2010 at 11:03 am (5 years ago)

      You are the most un-selfish woman in the world right now. It will get easier (hopefully soon).

      Reply
  11. Megan
    October 30, 2010 at 2:35 pm (5 years ago)

    Well, I think you know where I stand on this issue. :)

    Getting the husband on board seems like your biggest obstacle honestly. Best of luck in your decision.

    Reply
    • Amber
      October 31, 2010 at 11:04 am (5 years ago)

      Yes, I surely do know where you stand, Baby Fever filled friend. Thank you.

      Reply
    • Amber
      October 31, 2010 at 11:05 am (5 years ago)

      It seems a lot of women do. This is good

      Reply
  12. BalancingMama (Julie)
    October 31, 2010 at 1:45 pm (5 years ago)

    I also could have written this myself. But my first one is the hellion. She is a total diva, and very hard to handle. The power struggles in this household are never-ending. And yeah, I am TIRED. Husband will be devestated if we only have one. But how can I even imagine two? He’s not the one here all day, dealing with schools, doctor’s appointments, potty training. If my first one is a challenge, will I get an easy one second? Maybe?

    Reply
    • Amber
      October 31, 2010 at 10:10 pm (5 years ago)

      I think, that in all fairness, a second should definitely be easier. I think we’d probably get a colicky demon baby.

      Reply
  13. Kimberly
    October 31, 2010 at 3:33 pm (5 years ago)

    I still feel the want. I’m on the downhill slide to 42, single as I can be, my two are 11 and 14 and I still sometimes wish for another. I had always thought I’d have three. I even considered adding to my family as a single mom since the availability of decent daddy material has been scarce. But decided that the universe would probably have the last laugh and send me triplet girls, so I ultimately nixed that idea :) To satisfy my soul, I’m working on treasuring every moment with the ones I’ve got.

    Reply
    • Amber
      October 31, 2010 at 10:09 pm (5 years ago)

      I shudder at the thought of triplets. I think you’re probably doing things the way you should – appreciating what you’ve got.

      Reply
  14. Erin
    November 1, 2010 at 10:14 am (5 years ago)

    I started to write a reply to you yesterday…then a whiny 2 year old demanded a “juuuuuiiiiiiiicccceeeee,” a sobbing 4 year old reported that his 6 year old brother had stolen his “puppy” and thrown it onto the ceiling fan.

    And still…even with all this chaos…my husband and I still consider adding another face at our dinner table an open discussion???? We are CRAZY.

    I can tell you this…for me, in a demented way it got get easier, maybe it’s only because I was unable to care quite as much about certain things, like whether or not I had showered in the past three days, or where I put the package of chicken I took out to defrost…but…

    My family of five could become a family of six or seven…all because of the want:)

    Good luck in finding resolution for your conflicted ovary…when you figure out how to successfully do it…PLEASE – write a post:)

    Reply
    • Amber
      November 1, 2010 at 8:44 pm (5 years ago)

      Well, there’s only two solutions: get knocked up or get the hub snipped. I don’t think there will ever be four kids in my family though. You’re a brave woman!

      Reply
  15. Florida Girl Meets the Midwest
    November 1, 2010 at 12:40 pm (5 years ago)

    I saw this title and had to stop by.

    I am 32 and wondering if it is time to have my first. Wondering if I wait longer if my ovaries will go on strike.

    Reply
    • Amber
      November 1, 2010 at 8:44 pm (5 years ago)

      Who knows…but I’ll tell ya, if you’re waiting till you’re ready, you never will be (at least I wasn’t). Somehow, you manage anyway.

      Reply
  16. Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels
    November 2, 2010 at 1:54 am (5 years ago)

    I hear you girl. #2 was never a question for me, just a question of when. But I always thought I’d save #3 for an “oops” 😉 And yet now that Stella is in school and I am finally enjoying some me time, I have been thinking of #3. That would be sheer madness, since I am now really overweight, have just emerged from a difficult time and have just gaines a bit of freedom. And yet…

    Wait a little bit. In a couple of years Tory will be more independent and you might have a different situation. Maybe your hubs will be on board too. Until then, enjoy your time with her. They grow soooo fast, and soon you’ll look back at this time and sigh “I remember when…” :-)
    Hugs!

    Reply
    • Amber
      November 3, 2010 at 9:11 am (5 years ago)

      Thanks for the good advice! I think we will wait a bit…maybe after she starts sleeping through the night again? Maybe? I’m told we need to make the leap before she’s out of diapers, but I’m not sure that advice holds water with me.

      Reply
  17. Las Vegas Mama
    November 5, 2010 at 2:14 pm (5 years ago)

    Money will work itself out in the end, it always does. The sleeplessness will eventually pass. But you know what will remain? A beautiful little soul that loves you beyond measure… you cannot put a price on that. If (when?) you have another baby, you will wonder how in the world you ever hesitated. Your life will be so immeasurably enriched that you will wish you had done it far sooner. :)

    Reply
    • Amber
      November 7, 2010 at 8:45 pm (5 years ago)

      That’s a beautiful way to put it. Thank you.

      Reply

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