One slightly used toddler. Wispy blond hair, brilliant blue eyes and a smile that could charm the moon from the skies. Eats everything from chocolate ice cream sandwiches to steamed cauliflower florets, up to and including dog food, dirt and rubber bands. Awesome throwing arm – currently practicing for future career as MLB pitcher by chucking anything and everything at parent’s head.
Likes: Sesame Street, fuzzy kittens and pointy kitchen instruments.
Talents: Creating abstract chalk drawings, running backwards and throwing Master level temper tantrums.
Dislikes: Diaper changes, dressing and settling down for naps.
Comes with: Supply of diapers, little-used sippy cups and much loved bottles. Also crib, changing table and approximately $500 worth of practically brand new toys – along with a beloved set of brooms, cat toys and dog bones.
Contact us within the next 30 minutes and get a lifetime supply of Infant Tylenol and chardonnay!
Just call 1-800-HELPME or email at firstname.lastname@example.org.