The Craigslist Ad I’ll Never Write.

For sale:

One slightly used  toddler. Wispy blond hair, brilliant blue eyes and a smile that could charm the moon from the skies. Eats everything from chocolate ice cream sandwiches to steamed cauliflower florets, up to and  including dog food, dirt and rubber bands. Awesome throwing arm – currently practicing for future career as MLB pitcher by chucking anything and everything at parent’s head.

Likes: Sesame Street, fuzzy kittens and pointy kitchen instruments.

Talents: Creating abstract chalk drawings, running backwards and throwing Master level temper tantrums.

Dislikes: Diaper changes, dressing and settling down for naps.

Comes with: Supply of diapers, little-used sippy cups and much loved bottles. Also crib, changing table and approximately $500 worth of practically brand new toys – along with a beloved set of brooms, cat toys and dog bones.

Contact us within the next 30 minutes and get a lifetime supply of Infant Tylenol and chardonnay!

Just call 1-800-HELPME or email at

12 Comments on The Craigslist Ad I’ll Never Write.

  1. SaucyB
    July 10, 2010 at 9:15 pm (6 years ago)

    LOL! I saw that one coming. Hang in there mama! I can tell you, at least from my experience, that kids tend to really turn the corner at about 3. And four is fantastic. Little man has become good company. No go have yourself a glass of that Chardonnay. 😉

    • Amber
      July 11, 2010 at 8:56 pm (6 years ago)

      Chardonnay makes anything better. As does seven hours of slumber-induced perspective.

  2. holly at perrydise
    July 10, 2010 at 9:41 pm (6 years ago)

    I despise teething!! We are cutting a molar soon, those are the worst!

    • Amber
      July 11, 2010 at 8:55 pm (6 years ago)

      Molars. Suck. The End.

  3. one cluttered brain
    July 10, 2010 at 9:58 pm (6 years ago)

    This is HILARIOUS!!!
    I should do one for my pre-teen.
    Thanks 4 the laugh!
    Or put put a craiglist ad for husband..LOL.

    • Amber
      July 11, 2010 at 8:55 pm (6 years ago)

      Oof. I’ll bet the pre-teen years come with a whole different set of reasons to sell them! At least mine’s still cuddly…not so much once you hit double digits, I’m guessing.

  4. Nolie
    July 10, 2010 at 11:01 pm (6 years ago)

    Hope it all gets better soon. Saying that teething sucks is putting it mildly.

    • Amber
      July 11, 2010 at 8:54 pm (6 years ago)

      Mildly, indeed. But the molar broke through today, so the worst should be over. For now. Only seven more to go! Where’s my wine…

  5. Jen
    July 11, 2010 at 8:38 pm (6 years ago)

    Wait, can we actually do this?
    I have tried to list my kids on Ebay and they won’t let me.

    • Amber
      July 11, 2010 at 8:53 pm (6 years ago)

      I’ll bet they would. Craigslist is pretty unregulated, after all….

  6. C @ Kid Things
    July 12, 2010 at 10:31 am (6 years ago)

    I think we’ve all thought of composing a Craigslist ad or two. I’m pretty sure that whoever took them, though, would bring them right back.

    • Amber
      July 12, 2010 at 9:50 pm (6 years ago)

      I’m pretty sure you’re right.


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