A Running Conversation.

I’m two weeks from completing the Couch To 5K program, but getting here hasn’t been easy. Every time I go out, I have some version of the following conversation.

MOTIVATED ME: Alright, Tori’s in bed. You ready? It’s time to go for a run!

LAZY ME: Again? Didn’t we just do that like..two days ago?

MM: Yes.  And now we’re going again. But farther this time!

LM: Farther? Are you trying to kill me?

MM: Just the opposite, actually.

CUT to ME walking briskly up the street. We hear a ding, then a deep male voice says “run.”

LM: Owww, this already hurts. I think I’m getting a shin splint. Can we go home now?

MM: No. We just started. Shut up and run.

LM: But. I. Don’t. Want. To. Do. This.

MM: Tell you what. Just come with me down to the bottom of the hill and back. If you’re still hating life when we make it back here, we can go home.

LM: Fine. But that’s it.

CUT to ME running up the hill.

LM: Hey, did you see that rabbit? Aww, he’s so cute!

MM: MmmHmmm.

LM: Is that bird yelling at us? I think he is. SHUT UP, little bird, you don’t own this field!

MM:  Hey, would you look at that, we ran right past the entrance to our street.

LM: We did? I guess we can keep going then. But just until we get to the Bastard Hill. I don’t want to deal with that sucker today.

MM: Fine.

Cut to ME running up Bastard Hill.

LM: This. Hurts. Can’t. Breathe.

MM: Yeah, but we’re halfway there now. A little further and then it’ll be all downhill.

LM: But if we turn around, it’ll be downhill right now!

MM: Look. That old lady up there is doing it. If she can do it, so can we.

LM: Ummm, she’s in a scooter.

MM: All the same…let’s see if we can pass her!

LM: You’re insane, you know that? Insane!

CUT to me slogging slowly toward home.

LM: Let’s stop. I’m tired. Don’t want to do this anymore.

MM: Oh, come on. There’s only…four minutes and thirty four seconds left.

LM: Don’t. Care. Wanna stop now.

MM: Just keep going for another two minutes. Then we can quit.

LM: Bitch.

Two minutes later…

LM: There. We did two minutes. Can we stop now?

MM: But there’s only two minutes and twenty six seconds left! You can do anything for two minutes and twenty six seconds.

LM: No. No, I can’t.

MM: Just run to that mailbox up there. Then we can quit.

LM: Fine. To the mailbox.

Two minutes after that…

LM: There’s the mailbox! We did it!

MM: Oh, come on, there’s only twenty seconds left…

LM: I hate you, you know that? I really, really hate you.

Another soft ding is heard, along with a deep male voice saying, “walk.”

MM: See! I told you we could do it!

LM: As soon as I can breathe again, I’m going to kick the crap out of you…

MM: Oh, come on. It feels good. Admit it.

LM: Sitting on the couch feels better…

MM: And now you can! Guilt free!

LM: Can I have some ice cream?

M: Now you’re pushing it.

20 Comments on A Running Conversation.

  1. Kathy
    July 16, 2010 at 10:38 pm (6 years ago)

    A conversation between Motivated Me and Lazy Me would sound exactly like this! Probably with swearing, though.

    • Amber
      July 17, 2010 at 8:34 pm (6 years ago)

      Oh, I swear. It’s just been edited out, for the purposes of this blog.

  2. Elona
    July 16, 2010 at 10:39 pm (6 years ago)

    You used to LOVE running! That’s still in there somewhere! I know you can do this!

    • Amber
      July 17, 2010 at 8:34 pm (6 years ago)

      I’m sure I will again, when I’m in better shape and it doesn’t hurt so much!

  3. gigi
    July 16, 2010 at 11:11 pm (6 years ago)

    cute stuff. At least you talk to your motivated me. I’ve disowned mine, i believe :)

    • Amber
      July 17, 2010 at 8:33 pm (6 years ago)

      Oh, we go months without speaking. We’re just imposing a truce right now.

  4. Andrea
    July 16, 2010 at 11:56 pm (6 years ago)

    Oooof running sucks! but good for you for letting the motivated you take the lead!

    • Amber
      July 17, 2010 at 8:33 pm (6 years ago)

      For about 5 minutes out of 30 it’s kinda fun. But the other 25 suck.

  5. Adrienne
    July 17, 2010 at 8:13 am (6 years ago)

    Ok, that is hilarious! My problem is I only hear “Lazy Me”. What’s the couch to 5k program? That sounds like something I need to check out. I want to run-well, I think about it everyday, and I bought a stinkin’ ipod to help motivate me, but I never go! Not to mention I totally stink at.

    • Amber
      July 17, 2010 at 8:32 pm (6 years ago)

      It’s a running program designed to get you from the couch to being able to run a 5K in 9 weeks. You should try it!

  6. Coma Girl
    July 17, 2010 at 8:45 am (6 years ago)

    “Lazy” you and I would get along fabulously! Funny post :)

    • Amber
      July 17, 2010 at 8:32 pm (6 years ago)

      Well, I’m lazy me 90% of the time, so sounds good!

  7. MommyDrinksBecauseYouCry
    July 17, 2010 at 10:39 am (6 years ago)

    I am in awe! Congrats! I love your MM. Can she come over and kick my LM’s ass? I just need to borrow her for a little while. I’ll give her back when I’m about 23 pounds lighter!

    • Amber
      July 17, 2010 at 8:31 pm (6 years ago)

      Yep, you can borrow her. I could use some extra time on the couch.

  8. one cluttered brain
    July 17, 2010 at 2:17 pm (6 years ago)

    HA! I love it!
    Except I think my lazy man would be running the show too!!
    You go girl!!!

    • Amber
      July 17, 2010 at 8:31 pm (6 years ago)

      Nah, you could do it too. If I can, anyone can!

  9. Wendy
    July 17, 2010 at 9:09 pm (6 years ago)

    I love the little ping…ping…ping… “run”. But I like the the little ping…ping…ping… “walk” better.

    I’m halfway through Week 3!

  10. erica
    July 20, 2010 at 8:57 am (6 years ago)

    This is pretty much every conversation I have in my head while I run… but the longer you are able to go, the more motivated you are to do it, I promise!

    • Amber
      July 21, 2010 at 8:49 am (6 years ago)

      Yep. I know. It’s just the getting to the getting there part that’s hard!


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