I’m two weeks from completing the Couch To 5K program, but getting here hasn’t been easy. Every time I go out, I have some version of the following conversation.
MOTIVATED ME: Alright, Tori’s in bed. You ready? It’s time to go for a run!
LAZY ME: Again? Didn’t we just do that like..two days ago?
MM: Yes. And now we’re going again. But farther this time!
LM: Farther? Are you trying to kill me?
MM: Just the opposite, actually.
CUT to ME walking briskly up the street. We hear a ding, then a deep male voice says “run.”
LM: Owww, this already hurts. I think I’m getting a shin splint. Can we go home now?
MM: No. We just started. Shut up and run.
LM: But. I. Don’t. Want. To. Do. This.
MM: Tell you what. Just come with me down to the bottom of the hill and back. If you’re still hating life when we make it back here, we can go home.
LM: Fine. But that’s it.
CUT to ME running up the hill.
LM: Hey, did you see that rabbit? Aww, he’s so cute!
LM: Is that bird yelling at us? I think he is. SHUT UP, little bird, you don’t own this field!
MM: Hey, would you look at that, we ran right past the entrance to our street.
LM: We did? I guess we can keep going then. But just until we get to the Bastard Hill. I don’t want to deal with that sucker today.
Cut to ME running up Bastard Hill.
LM: This. Hurts. Can’t. Breathe.
MM: Yeah, but we’re halfway there now. A little further and then it’ll be all downhill.
LM: But if we turn around, it’ll be downhill right now!
MM: Look. That old lady up there is doing it. If she can do it, so can we.
LM: Ummm, she’s in a scooter.
MM: All the same…let’s see if we can pass her!
LM: You’re insane, you know that? Insane!
CUT to me slogging slowly toward home.
LM: Let’s stop. I’m tired. Don’t want to do this anymore.
MM: Oh, come on. There’s only…four minutes and thirty four seconds left.
LM: Don’t. Care. Wanna stop now.
MM: Just keep going for another two minutes. Then we can quit.
Two minutes later…
LM: There. We did two minutes. Can we stop now?
MM: But there’s only two minutes and twenty six seconds left! You can do anything for two minutes and twenty six seconds.
LM: No. No, I can’t.
MM: Just run to that mailbox up there. Then we can quit.
LM: Fine. To the mailbox.
Two minutes after that…
LM: There’s the mailbox! We did it!
MM: Oh, come on, there’s only twenty seconds left…
LM: I hate you, you know that? I really, really hate you.
Another soft ding is heard, along with a deep male voice saying, “walk.”
MM: See! I told you we could do it!
LM: As soon as I can breathe again, I’m going to kick the crap out of you…
MM: Oh, come on. It feels good. Admit it.
LM: Sitting on the couch feels better…
MM: And now you can! Guilt free!
LM: Can I have some ice cream?
M: Now you’re pushing it.