A Running Conversation.

by Amber on July 16, 2010

I’m two weeks from completing the Couch To 5K program, but getting here hasn’t been easy. Every time I go out, I have some version of the following conversation.

MOTIVATED ME: Alright, Tori’s in bed. You ready? It’s time to go for a run!

LAZY ME: Again? Didn’t we just do that like..two days ago?

MM: Yes.  And now we’re going again. But farther this time!

LM: Farther? Are you trying to kill me?

MM: Just the opposite, actually.

CUT to ME walking briskly up the street. We hear a ding, then a deep male voice says “run.”

LM: Owww, this already hurts. I think I’m getting a shin splint. Can we go home now?

MM: No. We just started. Shut up and run.

LM: But. I. Don’t. Want. To. Do. This.

MM: Tell you what. Just come with me down to the bottom of the hill and back. If you’re still hating life when we make it back here, we can go home.

LM: Fine. But that’s it.

CUT to ME running up the hill.

LM: Hey, did you see that rabbit? Aww, he’s so cute!

MM: MmmHmmm.

LM: Is that bird yelling at us? I think he is. SHUT UP, little bird, you don’t own this field!

MM:  Hey, would you look at that, we ran right past the entrance to our street.

LM: We did? I guess we can keep going then. But just until we get to the Bastard Hill. I don’t want to deal with that sucker today.

MM: Fine.

Cut to ME running up Bastard Hill.

LM: This. Hurts. Can’t. Breathe.

MM: Yeah, but we’re halfway there now. A little further and then it’ll be all downhill.

LM: But if we turn around, it’ll be downhill right now!

MM: Look. That old lady up there is doing it. If she can do it, so can we.

LM: Ummm, she’s in a scooter.

MM: All the same…let’s see if we can pass her!

LM: You’re insane, you know that? Insane!

CUT to me slogging slowly toward home.

LM: Let’s stop. I’m tired. Don’t want to do this anymore.

MM: Oh, come on. There’s only…four minutes and thirty four seconds left.

LM: Don’t. Care. Wanna stop now.

MM: Just keep going for another two minutes. Then we can quit.

LM: Bitch.

Two minutes later…

LM: There. We did two minutes. Can we stop now?

MM: But there’s only two minutes and twenty six seconds left! You can do anything for two minutes and twenty six seconds.

LM: No. No, I can’t.

MM: Just run to that mailbox up there. Then we can quit.

LM: Fine. To the mailbox.

Two minutes after that…

LM: There’s the mailbox! We did it!

MM: Oh, come on, there’s only twenty seconds left…

LM: I hate you, you know that? I really, really hate you.

Another soft ding is heard, along with a deep male voice saying, “walk.”

MM: See! I told you we could do it!

LM: As soon as I can breathe again, I’m going to kick the crap out of you…

MM: Oh, come on. It feels good. Admit it.

LM: Sitting on the couch feels better…

MM: And now you can! Guilt free!

LM: Can I have some ice cream?

M: Now you’re pushing it.

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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Kathy July 16, 2010 at 10:38 pm

A conversation between Motivated Me and Lazy Me would sound exactly like this! Probably with swearing, though.

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Amber July 17, 2010 at 8:34 pm

Oh, I swear. It’s just been edited out, for the purposes of this blog.

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Elona July 16, 2010 at 10:39 pm

You used to LOVE running! That’s still in there somewhere! I know you can do this!

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Amber July 17, 2010 at 8:34 pm

I’m sure I will again, when I’m in better shape and it doesn’t hurt so much!

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gigi July 16, 2010 at 11:11 pm

cute stuff. At least you talk to your motivated me. I’ve disowned mine, i believe :)

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Amber July 17, 2010 at 8:33 pm

Oh, we go months without speaking. We’re just imposing a truce right now.

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Andrea July 16, 2010 at 11:56 pm

Oooof running sucks! but good for you for letting the motivated you take the lead!

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Amber July 17, 2010 at 8:33 pm

For about 5 minutes out of 30 it’s kinda fun. But the other 25 suck.

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Adrienne July 17, 2010 at 8:13 am

Ok, that is hilarious! My problem is I only hear “Lazy Me”. What’s the couch to 5k program? That sounds like something I need to check out. I want to run-well, I think about it everyday, and I bought a stinkin’ ipod to help motivate me, but I never go! Not to mention I totally stink at.

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Amber July 17, 2010 at 8:32 pm

It’s a running program designed to get you from the couch to being able to run a 5K in 9 weeks. You should try it!

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Coma Girl July 17, 2010 at 8:45 am

“Lazy” you and I would get along fabulously! Funny post :)

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Amber July 17, 2010 at 8:32 pm

Well, I’m lazy me 90% of the time, so sounds good!

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MommyDrinksBecauseYouCry July 17, 2010 at 10:39 am

I am in awe! Congrats! I love your MM. Can she come over and kick my LM’s ass? I just need to borrow her for a little while. I’ll give her back when I’m about 23 pounds lighter!

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Amber July 17, 2010 at 8:31 pm

Yep, you can borrow her. I could use some extra time on the couch.

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one cluttered brain July 17, 2010 at 2:17 pm

HA! I love it!
Except I think my lazy man would be running the show too!!
You go girl!!!

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Amber July 17, 2010 at 8:31 pm

Nah, you could do it too. If I can, anyone can!

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Wendy July 17, 2010 at 9:09 pm

I love the little ping…ping…ping… “run”. But I like the the little ping…ping…ping… “walk” better.

I’m halfway through Week 3!

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erica July 20, 2010 at 8:57 am

This is pretty much every conversation I have in my head while I run… but the longer you are able to go, the more motivated you are to do it, I promise!

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Amber July 21, 2010 at 8:49 am

Yep. I know. It’s just the getting to the getting there part that’s hard!

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Kate@SurroundedbyPenises July 22, 2010 at 11:49 pm

Very cute!

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