I’ll bet you think you know what depression is. How it feels. What it takes to fix it. Lord knows there are plenty of “experts” out there willing to pretend they’ve got it figured out. But you know what? You don’t. They don’t. Heck, even I don’t, and I live with the darn thing.
Because depression? Is a changeable beast.
Sometimes it’ll hit you like a ton of bricks. One day you’re sitting in the sunshine of your mind, congratulating yourself on how well life seems to be going. The next, you find yourself drowning in a cesspool of despair, blind to everything except your own misery.
Those are the times you know you’re in trouble. The episodes that send you screaming for help.
But sometimes, depression is much more subtle. It creeps in, curling silently around you. At first, you don’t notice it much. Sure, you find yourself laughing less. Brooding more. But mostly, you’re fine.
But your energy lags.
Your smile gets harder to summon.
You start snapping at loved ones.
Then, it tightens it hold. And you find yourself wishing the world would just leave you alone. You start wondering if there any point to your life. If you’re doing anything right, because suddenly, it all seems wrong.
Your loved ones, those same ones you’ve been barking at endlessly, start looking at you with a worried frown. Even people you don’t know well begin asking questions. “Are you okay? What’s going on? You look tired.”
Still, you insist you’re fine. That there’s nothing to be worried about. But about the 500th time you give that retort, it dawns on you.
You’re not fine. Not fine at all. You’re about to be smothered by the Big Bad Beastie, and you’re not sure if you have the energy to fight back.
Because, depression? It’s exhausting. A never ending battle. And just when you think you’ve got it under control? It bitch slaps you across the face.
That’s the thing about depression.