Oh, Indiana. Home to…corn fields. Lots of corn fields. And pharmaceutical companies. You are a very lovely state. One I’m usually happy to call home (but then I’m from Detroit, so you know. That’s not saying much).
But right now? You’re kind of on my shit list. And here are seven reasons why.
Holy crap, the humidity. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Indiana, but it’s only June. Not even late June. But the humidity out there? Feels like August in Southern Florida. Do you think you could turn it down a notch or five? Because I’d like to go outside at some point before it turns into winter again.
Tractors should not be allowed on regular roads. Ever. Nothing makes me angrier than having to slow down to negative five miles an hour because some stupid farmer decides to take his two-story-tall tractor out for a drive down the highway (and it happens. frequently).
Enough with the damn thunderstorms. Five nights in a row? Really? And tornadoes on the ground to boot? This is not the vacation weather I ordered up, dang it. Cut it out!
Your most interesting city is as boring as Law and Order (the TV show). I’m talking, of course, about Indianapolis. Home of chain restaurants, chain stores and…well, I’m sure there’s something interesting to see, but the whole town seems geared toward the Midwestern conventioneers who couldn’t afford Vegas (i.e., short on staycation fun).
Why do you have to be so damn rocky? Why is the whole dang state (or at least this portion of it) have to be one solid bed of rock? Because if you didn’t know, basements are a handy thing to have when it’s tornado-ing out. I may have to look into finishing my crawl space.
Could you do something about the mullets? There are a lot of them. He-mullets, she-mullets, toddler-mullets—even old, balding guy mullets. Someday, they’ll come back in style, but for now? The mullet aficionados are making the rest of us look bad.
Diversity. Learn the word—then apply it to your populace. If there is a more white bread place on the planet, I haven’t seen it yet. We are lucky that our neighborhood is home to people of multiple races, but on the whole? A face that isn’t Caucasian is rare enough to turn heads. That’s just weird.
I could go on. But then I’d just be feeding into the stereotypes (even more than I already am), so I’ll shut up. Instead, I’ll turn the tables on you. What annoys you about your state?