Top Ten Signs You Might Be PMSing.

For the last few hours, I’ve been scowling into my computer screen, silently grumbling, “I don’t freaking want to write a blog post today. I’ve got nothing to say. And nobody listens to me anyway.” Grumble, grumble, grumble.

And then it occurred to me. I must be PMSing (it’s pretty much been a guessing game since the whole hatching a baby thing). Thus, this post idea was born. So, without further ado, here they are, the top ten signs you might be PMSing.

You kinda hate everybody you talk to.  Earlier today, I was sitting in a meeting with, oh, ten other people? As they talked, I just kept thinking about how much they annoyed me. And how much I wished they would just. shut. up.

Pants that fit yesterday now give you a decided muffin top. I’m wearing jeans that I swear were loose last time I put them on. Today? I had to wear a baggy ass shirt to hide the floofiness of my belly spilling over the top.

Chocolate becomes an essential food group. I know. It’s terribly fattening, and only supposed to be eaten in small quantities. But on days like today? I crave a brownie, or better yet, a brownie smothered by death by chocolate ice cream and dripping hot fudge with every meal (diet? what diet?).

Your body’s thermostat seems to be set at boiling. I may only be in my early 30s, but I get my share of armpit drenching, swamp ass inducing hot flashes. I’m sure menopause is going to be a treat.

No amount of sleep is enough.  As the mother of an infant, I’m generally tired at even the best of times. But right now, I feel like I could sleep for 24 hours straight (and probably still be exhausted).

Suddenly, every little mess becomes deeply offensive. My husband can always tell when I’m about to go on the rag, because I start cleaning. Everything. It’s the only week of the month our house gets anywhere close to clean.

When not simmering in anger, you find yourself deeply depressed. Things that usually don’t even phase me become cause for floods of tears. Things like…the fact that I forgot to put socks on my baby this morning.  You know, important stuff.

Plus, you really hate the world. What? Did I already say that? Well, I can’t stress it enough. Stay away from me today, people.

When not craving chocolate, you find yourself binging on carbs. Science says carbs give us energy and make us feel better. I say they’re the only thing keeping me from tearing your throat out.

And lastly…

You really can’t be bothered to finish what you start. Things like this Top Ten list, for example. Yep, that’s right. I’m done. No clever closing today…I think I’ll go look at baby tutus instead.

Better luck tomorrow.

15 Comments on Top Ten Signs You Might Be PMSing.

  1. Kaylen
    April 11, 2010 at 9:12 pm (6 years ago)

    I have many meetings where I am surrounded by people who I thought were my work friends last week but who I want to strangle this week!! I'm glad to hear it's not just me.

  2. Kristi {at} Live and Love...Out Loud
    May 20, 2010 at 2:28 pm (6 years ago)

    Very funny! I'll be sure to stay away from you today Miss PMS. Have a Happy Period. lol

    Kristi, Live and Love…Out Loud

  3. Erin
    December 1, 2010 at 8:52 pm (5 years ago)

    It has to get annoying reading over and over again how much I love your posts….but…

    I’m saying it again – you are a Flipping RIOT!!! You made me laugh out loud. I just ate a Hershey’s bar that I found high up in a cabinet – it was so old that is crumbled and I ate it so fast I didn’t even notice….

    and then I ripped my sweatshirt off b/c I declared it to be “too fucking hot in this house!”

    I loathe PMS – but I think it beats labor & delivery…right?

    • Amber
      December 2, 2010 at 9:16 am (5 years ago)

      Well, I skipped the labor and delivery and went straight to C-section, but I think PMS is better than surgical recovery.

  4. Angela
    January 31, 2011 at 8:48 pm (5 years ago)

    It is a relief to listen to fellow PMS-ers! It’s such a big joke to so many people, and I guess it can be funny afterward, but while you’re in it, there is nothing worse. I used to get mood swings for almost a week every month, and I couldn’t even predict them because my cycle is not regular. I mostly hated everyone, including myself, and suddenly couldn’t even remember what it was like to be happy, or have a sense of humor. And I ate chocolate and carbs like crazy hoping to feel better, but all it did was help me get through it. I can totally relate to everything you are saying!

  5. Jill
    May 13, 2011 at 7:32 pm (5 years ago)

    Wow, I see the trend and here i thought I had an anger management problem plus an eating disorder.
    I know when my hormones are not right but never thought I was PMSing

  6. Celia
    July 18, 2011 at 5:48 pm (5 years ago)

    Thank you for this blog. I’ve officially started my pms week and I was googling why I have such horrible hot flashes and always get a migrane a week before my period. Your blog came up and not only do I COMPLETELY relate but you managed to make me laugh out loud when I feel like crap.

    • Amber
      July 19, 2011 at 9:05 am (5 years ago)

      Oh I’m so glad! Hope you feel better soon…Get yourself some chocolate, a “don’t mess with me” sign, and hunker down. It’ll be over soon…for another month.

  7. Ayanna
    September 10, 2011 at 12:21 pm (4 years ago)

    ugh, i think im PMSing for the first time… ive cried about 4 times today, eaten 3 sandwitches, gotten teed off 10 times, and #2ed 3 times… has mother nature come for me?

  8. Ayanna
    September 10, 2011 at 12:22 pm (4 years ago)

    im only 11… im scared T.T

    • Amber
      September 10, 2011 at 3:07 pm (4 years ago)

      Oh, sweetie. It might be. Or you might just be having a bad day. But don’t be scared. It’s not always fun, but getting your period means you’re on your way to lots of good things, too! The next few years are going to be a little crazy, and a lot confusing, but when you come out the other side, you’ve got your whole life waiting for you…and trust me when I tell you that it’s going to be awesome.

      Now, if you can, go find your mom (or someone you can trust) and tell her what you think is going on. It’s nothing to be ashamed of – and you deserve a little special treatment right now!


      • Shey
        March 2, 2012 at 11:08 pm (4 years ago)

        ya i started pmsing at 11 too. i’m still just 15 though.. anyway whatevs :'( i wanna be 11 again its not fair… And paris hilton is annoying the **** out of me but i can’t find the ****ing remote thanks for ur post :’)

        • Amber
          March 8, 2012 at 4:40 pm (4 years ago)

          Hope you’re feeling better. You know what’s better than 15? 18 and up. Once you get to leave high school behind, life gets much easier.

  9. Shey
    March 2, 2012 at 11:03 pm (4 years ago)

    OMG IM PMSING LIKE CRAZY HAVE ALL OF THOSE SYMPTOMS. I hate chocolate but im binging on Reece’s cups right now, i’m boiling hot in the dead of winter, i just insulted one of my best friends for no reason…and i’m sad :( i just wanna go to sleep…
    oh your list forgot to mention u start breaking out as well (or more)


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